Saturday, November 27, 2010

time is short

I struggled over whether or not to write this post. I know a handful of people wrestling with the reality of death, and I do not want to diminish their pain. Death is a hard, unnatural (result of the Fall) reality of life.

I recently made my way through the accident chapters of Choosing to See. Even without knowing the Chapman family, my heart was wrenching over the pain facing them. I cannot fathom losing a child, let alone in the horrific manner in which they did. In addition to dealing with the permanent absence of a loved daughter and sister, various members are wrestling over the immense guilt for how the accident transpired. As I read, I couldn't help but pray for this family and other families dealing with pain such as this. However, the hope, faith, and trust the Chapman family expresses in Jesus Christ is a beautiful display of the Holy Spirit's power.

As much as I cried when reading the expressions of pain, I cried just as much in their expressions of hope. This isn't to say they aren't hurting. What's different is how they hurt. They do so knowing full well the guarantee of seeing their daughter and sister again. It doesn't negate the pain, but it redeems it. Our God of redemption is demonstrating His ability to take every horrible situation and redeem it for His glory and our benefit. Mary Beth acknowledges the immense growth in the life of her family as individuals and as a unit through their pain. That is nothing short of a miracle.

I guess this story resonated with me because of what lies ahead of me. As much as I am excited to head off to India, there is a level of trepidation as well. Part of my trip will involve bringing the gospel to places it has never reached. I have no idea how the residents will respond. Even while I am closer to the camp headquarters, there is still no absolute certainty about my security. As this realization began to set in, God reminded me of the very same reality here in the states. I have no guarantee of my next breath. As Psalm 139:16 says, in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me. God already has the day when I will see Him face to face stamped out. There is nothing I can do to change that. Personally, that eliminates any thought of God being out of control. Whenever (and however) I leave this earth is exactly how He planned it to be before my life even began. That's actually comforting to know and trust in.

This concept has transformed my prayers over the past few days. Before the focus of my physical prayers was preventing injury and other discomforts. While there is nothing wrong with praying for these things (see Christ's prayer in the garden), I am omitting God's will in those areas. For all I know, He might allow me to get sick to bring about something I did not expect. He might have ordained one of those days over there to be my last (or one of the days before I leave for that matter). In light of this, my prayers are more centralized to asking for His will to be done in all phases of my trip. I want my health to go according to His will. I want my travel to go according to His will. I want my strength to go according to His will. Of course, I would thoroughly enjoy His will being the same as my wishes. But if they aren't I will rest in the fact that His will is always best. As Paul says in Philippians 1:21, for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. When we neglect this truth, we open ourselves up to bitterness and false accusations against God. Every fiber of our lives belongs to Christ. He can (and will) do with it whatever brings glory to the Father. I pray my trip is nothing but a display of God's glory. Whether I return in a similar condition or not at all, God will be glorified. And I will be blessed.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

giving thanks

Throughout Scripture we are called to give thanks. We are to give thanks for the blessings we have received as well as the circumstances we find ourselves in. Basically we are called to give thanks in everything. Today is simply the day where we make sure it is the focus and attitude of our hearts. For those who are in Christ everyday is Thanksgiving. I don't mean that in a cheesy, life is just peachy manner. Obviously there are days when it is very hard to be thankful. However, at the very least (and I don't mean least by any means) our salvation always lies in the hands of the One who does not let go. He is faithful when we are not, and that is worthy of much thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

singing

I enjoy singing. It probably goes back to my days in high school where I was a member of the choir. At the time I participated in it because it guaranteed an "A" without requiring any work beyond showing up. Looking back, I realize how my appreciation for music and song blossomed. There are times today when I miss singing/listening to songs in at least four-part harmony (don't get me started on the excitement that occurs when the four parts split up). Back to the point of this post, singing should be an important part of the life of a Christian. The Bible is littered with examples and commands for God's children to sing praises to Him. We should be excited to do so whether we are the greatest singer or someone can't find a tune no matter how had they try.

As I am wrapping up my tour of the Old Testament, I stumbled upon one of my favorite verses in all of Scripture. It provides a glimpse into eternity while showing us one more reason why we should sing.

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17

One day, God will sing over His children. Now I have heard my fair share of good singers, but the thought of God's voice in song gives me the chills. Not only will He be singing, but His song will be sung over His children. It will be like when my mom would sing to me as a little boy, only with the greatest song and voice possible (sorry mom). This fills me with an eagerness to be in His presence listening for all of eternity. But until then, I sing to Him with all that He has given me!

Friday, November 19, 2010

I stole the book Choosing to See from my mother after it was lent to her. (I have given it back to let her finish since) For those who aren't familiar, it the story of Steven Curtis Chapman's wife, Mary Beth. It details her growing pains as well as the recent loss of her daughter during a freak accident in the family's driveway. I am not quite halfway through, and I am eager to finish it once my mom is done first. The book is an honest look into a lifelong wrestling match between God and one of His children.

At one part in the book, Chapman wrote about the struggles of being in the limelight give the popularity of her husband's music. As someone heading into ministry, I often struggle with trying to get my life perfect in order to show everyone around me that I am "qualified." I went everything to appear in order. Then I don't have to worry about any questions or challenges I may have in regards to my calling. To that thought Chapman wrote this,

People need to know that Christian leaders…preachers…whoever, are as cracked and broken as the next person. Maybe more so. Hopefully they are in positions of leadership, though, because they are serious about following Christ, and so people can see that real success in the kingdom of God is not about being strong and looking good and knowing all the right answers. It’s about continually yielding oneself to Jesus and determining to take purposeful steps of obedience, and the ragged reality that it’s all about God and His grace at work in us. ~Mary Beth Chapman Choosing to See pp. 70

Without a doubt, I am cracked and broken. Equally true, the Spirit works in spite of this. God's grace is greater and more powerful than anything I can imagine.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

there and back again

It's been roughly three months since I made the decision to leave teaching and pursue God's leading in ministry. I have yet to experience any regret, and, hopefully, I won't at all. In fact, the past few months have brought along a overwhelming sense of peace. Life's not perfect, but where God has me right now is where I am certain He wants me. My prayer is to stay in that spot even as I move forward over the next few months and years.

Recently, however, I have grown frustrated with my lack of time and energy. Most of my frustration revolves around the absence of quality time being spent with the One who is leading me. My mornings start on the earlier side while my evenings end on the later. In between I never seem to have enough time to complete all the things I want. My desire to leave teaching one year earlier was supposed to give me time to seek God's will more actively, without as many distractions. I would be able to read, pray, study, write, meditate, fast (on occasions), serve, and a lot more with all this time. Everything started on that track until I quickly started filling up my empty time slots with an assortment of different activities.

Starting late last week, God started showing me reasons why I was so tired and void of any motivation to seek after Him throughout the course of my day. As I have been observing, comfort and control have slowly reentered the scene, particularly in the area of finances. I have more than enough to pay my bills, but I want more for the future. One of the strongest pulls I felt from God for this year was to let go of my desire for control in all areas of my life. When I did I felt liberated, but over the past few months I have allowed it to bind me once again.

A significant portion of my time these days is centered on making as much money as I can. My motives for doing so are not wrong. I won't be working for roughly three months. I need to start saving up so I can pay for seminary. My car is going to die any day now, and I don't want to be stranded. However, these motivations are trumping my motivation to spend time with my heavenly Father. He is the only One who can satisfy all my needs (Matthew 6:25-34). I started off with this being my goal. Now I am learning how much work and perseverance it requires to see that goal become a reality.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

number one

Today is this young lady's first birthday. She looks a lot older than this picture, but this pretty much captures how we spend our times together. As uncle, I get to play the role of entertainer. I read books, stack cups, roll balls, and, occasionally, push the swing. As she continues to get older I enjoy the new things she is able to do. Talking is there, but not quite understandable and walking is right around the corner. I am looking forward to watching her grow and seeing how God brings her to Himself. Happy Birthday Lydia (even though you can't read this)!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

a prayer for me...and you

I love the gospel! With each and every passing day, I am learning to love it more. Beyond that, I love the God who orchestrated it in eternity past. His sending of Christ to pay the penalty for my open rebellion against Him in the most wonderful thing I have ever heard. But it doesn't stop there. Not only am I offered forgiveness, I am but gifted Christ's righteousness and God's Spirit to give me a passion to live the way I was originally created to live. This is the gospel I am excited to share with the children of India two months from today. We had a team meeting this morning where I learned two of the camp sites we are heading to have never heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. God is graciously allowing me to join Him in proclaiming His salvation to a place kept in the dark for all this time. What a humbling thought!

During a brief devotional we read a passage reminding of us what we should be praying for as we prepare for our trip. However, I felt even more convicted to be praying this prayer as I interact with people here. My excitement to share the gospel cannot rest in India alone. There are multitudes of people needing to hear the same message, and it's our (why the prayer is for you too) job to proclaim it.

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison-that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

~Colossians 4:2-6

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Election Day

The importance of this day reminded me off something Tim Keller said in his book Counterfeit Gods. I think it speaks directly to what many will be feeling by the end of today/tomorrow morning.

When either party wins an election, a certain percentage of the losing side talks openly about leaving the country. They become agitated and fearful for the future. They have put the kind of hope in their political leaders and policies that once was reserved for God and the work of the gospel. When their political leaders are out of power, they experience a death. They believe that if their policies and people are not in power, everything will fall apart. They refuse to admit how much agreement they actually have with the other party, and instead focus on the points of disagreement. The points of contention overshadow everything else, and a poisonous environment is created. (pp.99)

Later he goes on to speak about Christians remembering that sin, and not political parties, are the real problem in this world. Therefore, we can't expect everything to be turned around by those we vote into power. Our hope for redemption always comes through the gospel. Declaring doomsday as a result of any election is undermining the problem of sin and telling the world that the gospel is void of any real power.