Thursday, January 30, 2014

happy to worry???

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life...Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
~Matthew 6:25, 34

Do not be anxious about anything
~Philippians 4:6

I do not like these verses. And yes, I just confessed to not liking God's Word.

My anxiety and worry are much more significant in light of them. I like to think my anxiety is a mere character flaw. It is simply part of who I am that I cannot do anything about. Sometimes I even like being anxious. It allows me to be grumpy or stand-offish. It lets me wallow in self-pity. It fixates on everything going wrong. It reinforces me as the center of my life.

It is for this very reason, both Jesus and Paul remove the blinders masking anxiety and worry. They are not character flaws or passed down traits. Anxiety and worry are sin. They are sin I need to confess and repent of. They are the very things that sent Christ to the cross.

When put into this proper perspective, my anxiety is not so cute and harmless. It is far more hideous and destructive. If I included the verses in between Matthew 6: 25 and 34, the emphasis would be on God meeting the needs of His children. Anxiety is a lack of faith in my heavenly Father. It says He either cannot or will not provide for me.

The verses surrounding Paul's words in Philippians 4 would expose anxiety as a lack of contentment as well as thankfulness. If I had these, I would worry less and pray a whole lot more. Again, anxiety is not cute and cuddly.

I realize I do a lot of things in the name of anxiety and worry. Some of the things are obviously destructive: lack of sleep, irritability, laziness, apathy to name a few. Others may appear constructive: saving/not spending money (for fear of not having it later instead of desiring to be a responsible steward), talking with people (as an alternative to prayer), playing it safe (because I fear anything too risky) to name a few.

God's Word does not give us instructions for how to appease our anxiety and worry. Instead, He tells us plainly to put it to death. He tells us to get rid of it altogether. It is damaging to ourselves, but more importantly is an affront to the goodness, faithfulness, sovereignty, and compassion of God. I think it is time I start seeing my worry the same way my Father does.

Monday, January 27, 2014

not daunted by size

Life is tragically humorous. Two weeks ago, prayer came easy. I found myself in a class centered upon the subject. Over the course of the three hour classes, we prayed for roughly 30-45 minutes each day. On the last Friday, we walked through the streets of Philadelphia praying for the city.

Today, prayer is painfully difficult yet again. I do not have an 3-hour block in which I can pray. The day starts and ends busy. There is always something demanding my time and attention. Sadly, prayer becomes the first thing to go when it should be the first place I turn.

Why does this always seem to happen? The Praying Life spoke to a number of reasons why people struggle to pray. One of them has come back to me in the past two weeks.

Majesty and humility are such as odd fit. This is one reason we struggle with prayer. We just don’t think God could be concerned with the puny details of our lives. We either believe he’s too big or that we’re not that important. No wonder Jesus told us to be like little children. Little children are not daunted by the size of their parents. They come, regardless.

I have a false humility when it comes to God. I understand how big He is, so I convince myself He is not concerned with my little problems. They do not appear to matter in the grand scheme. I call this humility when it is simply spiritual arrogance. I think I will look better if I ask nothing of God. Instead, I demonstrate a failure to grasp how God's majesty works alongside His grace and compassion.

I love the last two lines of the quote; Little children are not daunted by the size of their parents. They come, regardless.

I do not have kids, but my nieces and nephew demonstrate this perfectly. Comparatively speaking, their fathers tower over them. My brother-in-law in six feet tall and my brother is nearly there. While the kiddos understand the size difference, they do not hesitate to run and ask when they are in need. Size does not matter, because the love and compassion welcomes them in.

Our heavenly Father is the perfect display of this picture. Yes, He is holy, majestic, transcendent, and wholly-other. And yet, He is gracious, loving, patient, kind, and tender. He tells us to come not in condescending fashion, but as Father who lovingly wants to spend time with and meet the needs of His children.

Prayer understands this and takes advantage of the wonderful blessing.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

removing selfishness

We don’t mind acting selfishly, but talking selfishly is embarrassing.

Here is yet another quote from A Praying Life which I found rather uncomfortable. In reality it hints at one more reason why I fail to pray.

I avoid prayer because I already know my requests are often selfish and self-serving. I am like James' audience when he wrote, You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! (James 4:2-4).

It is overwhelmingly easy to behave selfishly. Sure, someone might call me out on it, but that does not mean I have to really do anything about it. But if I cling to such selfishness before the throne of grace, I know it will need to be removed. Therefore, I avoid the throne altogether. That way I can keep my selfishness and continue living in it without the painful removal process.

Prayer is that process. It is aligning my will with the will of God. It is desiring what He wants over (and often times against) what I want. The more I pray, the more and more my selfishness is dealt with. This in turn leads to less and less selfish behavior. In a sense, prayer is admitting my own selfishness. It then asks God to remove it for the selfless love demonstrated perfectly by our Savior.

I do not want to act selfishly, nor do I want to talk selfishly. If this is a real desire, then I should myself praying far more than I currently do.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

allergies

My quest to write more has already staggered a bit with only one post in two weeks. Thankfully, I am not officially keeping track of my progress.

This week I began a one-week class on prayer. The actual title of the course is "Prayer in Gospel Ministry." I took it for two reasons. One, I lead our church's monthly prayer services and thought taking a class on prayer would provide me with practical things I could apply immediately. Two, the one credit now allows me to trade two 2-credit classes for one 3-credit class either next fall or spring. And with being married next year, I thought one less class would allow for more time at home (or least I hope).

On just the first day, I realized this class came with an added bonus for my personal prayer life, or lack there of. I would be forced to pray. I would have to do that which I complain I do not have enough time for. Both in class and out of class, some of my time would need to be spent praying.

And this is exactly what I need for reasons far beyond the busy schedule about to kick into full gear come the first Monday in February. I need reminding of my dependence upon God. I need focused time of intimacy with my Father. I need my allow submitted to the will of God.

I hope to post a number of these over the next few days, but a quote from our "textbook," A Praying Life (Paul Miller) in the first few pages put this very concept of dependence in front of my face.

We have an allergic reaction to dependency, but this is the state of the heart most necessary for a praying life. A needy heart is a praying heart. Dependency is the heartbeat of prayer.

Clearly I have needs. Not so clear is my inability to meet my own needs. I want to believe I am capable of doing anything and everything on my own. This is why I fail to pray.

It has nothing to do with time. It has nothing to do with the busyness of life. It has nothing to do with exhaustion. It has everything to do with my pride and self-confidence.

Until I realize how helpless I am, I will not cry out "Abba, Father!" And my helplessness is not simply in the moments when I've reached the end of my rope. It's also in the moments when I feel strongest. I am helpless at every moment of every day. I am needy each and every hour.

Once this reality takes root in my heart, I will find the joy, blessing, and gift that prayer actually is for a child of God.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

A New Year's Resolution?

2013 saw me write the least of any year in my blog's four-year history (I'm not including the inaugural 2009 year which actually commenced in August). This caused me to seriously consider calling it quits. I rarely felt like writing. School and life already captivate the little time I had. Even when I found the urge, I avoided it. The things I wanted to say seemed to be more "soap-box" oriented than holding any sort of value. I simply wanted people to hear my voice. And personally, the blogosphere does not need one more voice screaming "listen to me!"

However, part of me could not give up blogging entirely. It has proven a valuable outlet in the midst of all my learning (both in seminary and life in general). I would come back to things I read for class which did not exactly pertain to my education. I would process things going on both in my small context as well as the world at large. And as the name suggests, writing here allowed me to wrestle either with my beliefs and convictions or my circumstances.

I do not make resolutions for the New Year. They are typically shallow and quickly abandoned. Without providing a number, I will say my desire is to write more. 2014 will be a busy year for me. This does not include all the unplanned-for things that will certainly come my way. Writing will (hopefully) help me to process, keep perspective, and grow over the course of this year. And as I have written before, my goal is not to gain attention or increase my list of readers (I do appreciate those who read and pray my writing serves you well). If I increase or decrease, it is no skin off my back. Instead I write for the same reason I engage in anything,

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)