a hopeless wanderer

Summer is almost over [sigh], and I have written a grand total of 6 posts! My plan was to be far more active. However, each time I sat down to write my creative tank was found empty. The few times I attempted to work through the void, the writing process was painful with the product severely lacking. Therefore, I pretty much abandoned all my efforts...

...until today!

But hold me fast, hold me fast
'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer
And I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under

I have this song included in my running mix. It is a fitting song for that exercise seeing as on many of my runs I feel like a hopeless wanderer. I run around a track over and over again without every getting anywhere. As such, my mind tends to wander often times to the skies over my head. On Monday I loved the skies for they were blue and cool. Today I did not like the skies for they were hot and humid. The song just fits.

The song also speaks to much more than my running excursions.

I go through many of my days living as a hopeless wanderer. I wander from one thing to the next looking for something. It may be fulfillment, pleasure, belonging, joy, acceptance, or a variety of other things. However, each thing leaves me feeling more and more like the hopeless wanderer I am.

I do not know who the song writer is singing to when he says hold me fast. It could be a lover, friend, God/divine being, or something else. For me (and everyone else), I am no longer a hopeless wanderer when I am held fast by Jesus Christ. For in Him, I find all the fulfillment, pleasure, belonging, joy, acceptance, etc. that my heart has and will ever desire. Because of who He is and what He has done, there is nothing I need or desire that stands outside of Him.

In light of this reality, I learn to love the skies I am under. Whether they are dark and gloomy or bright and blue, I have all I need. I am not dependent upon my circumstances. They will merely drive me closer and deeper into the arms of my Savior who endured every kind of sky imaginable.

Right now I thank God my skies are blue. However, the blue skies are not what overcome my hopeless wandering. It is the God behind those blue skies who continues to hold me fast.

the end of an era

The intense heat wave two weeks ago put the final nail in the coffin of a very special relationship.

I bought "baby" when I was sixteen years old. My brother looked her over first, but I swooped in the moment he passed her by. She had roughly 90,000 miles to her name to which I added another 80,000. I could not have asked for more out of my first car. Baby was worth every nickel.

Over the years we shared a numbers of trips together, some of which I never made it to my intended destination. She was not the most reliable nor was she ever a sight to behold. As high school and college friends quickly started burying their old cars, I held on to Baby for both sentimental and financial reasons. When we would get together, they would either ask when I was replacing her or shake their heads. However, one of the senior ladies at church would always smile and praise my car whenever I picked her up on Sunday mornings. She liked the automatic seat belts and homely feeling.

But alas all good things must come to an end. Baby still sits on the street as I await her grand exit. Replacing her is easy because she had become completely unreliable and a great headache. However, as a friend brought to my attention, replacing her is like the ending of an era. The days of my youth (talking high school and college because I am still young) have been behind me for a while, but Baby was always my reminder of those days gone by.

Everyone I talk to always remembers their first car. I know I will follow suit, and I will be able to look back fondly of the great adventures we had together.

Now for some new adventures...

(and it's a stick-shift so right now hills, red-lights, and stop signs are the mountains I must climb)

sit down you're shaking the boat

He said to them, "Where is your faith?"

This comes from Luke 8:25. It is Jesus' response to the disciples after he calms the storm before their eyes. They felt death closing in around them. They panicked the raging waters. They felt hopeless. They forgot who was in the boat with them, and what they had already witnessed Him do in the short time He was with them.

• the disciples (fisherman at the time) took in a miraculous catch at His command (5:1-11)
• a leper was cured of His disease through physical contact with Jesus (5:12-15)
• a paralytic walked away from an encounter with Jesus and received forgiveness of his sins (5:17-26)
• a tax collector left his wealth and riches to follow Jesus (5:27-31)
• the Pharisees are repeatedly foiled by the teachings of Jesus (5:20-24; 30-32; 33-39; 6:1-5; 11; 7:39-50)
• a man with a crippled hand finds it restored at Jesus' word (6:6-11)
• people came to hear, be healed, find freedom from evil spirits, and simply touch Him (6:17-19)
• a centurion's servant was healed by Jesus' command without Jesus being present (7:1-10)
• a widow's son came back to life during his funeral procession at Jesus' word (7:11-17)
• John was the Baptist was told Jesus is one the prophets spoke of (7:18-35)
• a morally and physically disgusting woman received forgiveness and salvation (7:36-50)

Not that Jesus needed a resume, but these events warranted the disciples' faith. And yet, it was missing.

Of course it is easy to jump on the disciples for their foolishness. We can say we would have responded differently if we were in their shoes. The reality is we are no better.

I flounder in the face of the high winds and raging waters. I panic. I feel hopeless. I forget who is with me. I doubt even what I know to be true.

In recent weeks, I have been asking myself "where is your faith?" I have the same "resume" as well as the full canon of Scripture and my own tastings of Christ's power to warrant complete faith in Him. There is nothing He is incapable of doing.

He can do for me what He did for the disciples in that boat. And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm.

faithful to the end

Last night I started writing a post that was not coming together well. It was about my love for control, which often leads to realism pessimism when I cannot get a hold on it. I have found myself in that cycle for a good portion of the summer. I have a number of things I either need or want to do, but I cannot control the means by which they will get done. Naturally, my attitude has been far too pessimistic to the point where others are noticing and calling me out on it.

Then this morning we sang a song that really has nothing to do with control, but the first verse slapped me in the face anyways.

Precious cornerstone,

Sure foundation,

You are faithful to the end.

We are waiting on You, Jesus.

We believe You're all to us.

I do not need to be in control. Things do not need to be perfectly fitting together all the time. My foundation is secure. It is Christ.

In the twenty seven years I have been breathing, my Savior has been faithful to me. Every need has been met. Every time of struggle has been accompanied by grace and strength. Never have I been forsaken or left to fend for myself. O, you of little faith, why should I think this time will be any different? 

My job is to wait and trust. And sadly, I am about as good as that as I was when I was four. I want everything to work out right now so I can feel secure and in control. I forget that God is doing something far bigger than me. He is working His desires through me. He is making Himself known. He is bringing glory to His name.

For as I read just last week in Psalm 46:10,

Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

to the source

Psalm 19 is a familiar chapter of the Bible.

And yet I forget it all too easily.

Recently, I have desired greater intimacy with my God. It is a God-honoring desire given by His Spirit. However, I have wanted it apart from any work on my part. I was hoping it would fall down from the sky at my beckoning.

It is with such an attitude/approach that my forgetfulness has been revealed.

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.

In these three verses, the psalmist makes it abundantly clear where intimacy and the joy accompanying it are found. It is not through magic. It is not through passivity. It is not through will power.

It comes through the Word of God being read, studied, and meditated upon. It is through a deeper love for and understanding of God's Word that deeper intimacy with Him is found.

If I want the intimacy, which God graciously pours out I need to seek it at its source. I need to go to the well. I need to be revived by the Word and watch my heart begin rejoicing.

Refuge

1. shelter or protection from danger or distress
2. a place that provides shelter or protection
3. something to which one has recourse in difficulty

I read through the Psalms the first six months of 2013. Roughly two weeks ago, I began reading through it again. As of today, I've read up to Psalm 18. In those eighteen psalms, refuge comes up a lot.

Blessed are all who take refuge in him (2:12)
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice (5:11)
O Lord my God, in you do I take refuge (7:1)
In the Lord I take refuge (11:1)
You would shame the plans of the poor, but the Lord is his refuge (14:7)
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge (16:1)
Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior, of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand (17:7)
The Lord is my rock and fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge (18:2)
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him (18:30)

That's nine verses in eighteen chapters. Simple math tells me nearly half of the first eighteen psalms present God as the refuge for His people. And I left out those passages which use words like shield (i.e. 3:3), stronghold (i.e. 9:9) or rock (i.e. 18:31) to convey the same idea. Those additions would boost the number close to sixty percent.

This tells me God as my refuge is something I need to grasp hold of. And this does not isolate it to those time of danger or distress as Webster so clearly articulated. God is as much a refuge in times of peace and prosperity as He is in times of chaos and struggle.

I am trying to learn this very lesson. The past semester was a whirlwind of distress that actually took on a physical manifestation from late March to early May. In those times, I found myself following the advice given by the psalmists. I went to my refuge. I found strength and protection when I had none.

Now life is far easier. Sure I am busy, but I do not sense the same distress. And therefore I am not as aware of my need for refuge. In fact, I have found myself aimlessly drifting. My refuge remains in sight, but I am not coming back to it very often. I am satisfied on the fringes, when I should be relishing in the innermost parts.

Maybe life is not as easy as I thought. Maybe there is a bit of distress still lingering. Whatever the case, I need to seek out my refuge, and taste the blessings of His protection.

and exhale

Silly me thought the end the my fourth semester would bring an abundance of time and relaxation. I assumed I would simply fill the evenings I typically spent studying with far more leisurely activities. I would catch up on pleasure reading, play my guitar, write, make social plans, and maybe pick up one of the many television shows everyone always talks about. Well almost one month removed from the end of the semester I have not done any of those things (except for the occasional social activity).

The last month taught me two things. First, I am still busy even though school has ended. My busyness has simply transferred from one thing to another. I work forty hours again, which took an period of adjustment for my body. I coach swimming again, which will really start taking off Wednesday and last until the end of July. My internship at church requires my attention as well. And being the sports nut that I am, the current championship run of the San Antonio Spurs has also occupied a number of my evenings and brought with it angst and excitement at the same time.

Second, my schedule has completely changed. This has probably been one of the tougher aspects of my summer transition. Gone are the forty-five minute commutes to class, which served as my time for prayer each morning. Gone are the evenings of study, which would often transition me into times of reading through and meditating over the Word of God. Gone is the relative ease it took to build intimacy with my Savior. Now I have to work...hard.

I have to (sometimes forcefully) insert time for prayer and reading. I cannot wait around for those moments, because they either never come or I am too distracted to take advantage of them. I have to be far more intentional.

One aspect of the Bible-reading plan I am in the midst of is reading through Proverbs each month. Every day I read one chapter, so by the end of the year I will have read the book roughly twelve times. Honestly, the book is not always the most engaging. It is very repetitive and almost (dare I say) too practical. And yet the book remains a great blessing. It holds out my remaining folly which I cannot ignore. It holds out true wisdom which I often times look for in other places. It 

For instance, take Proverbs 4:20-23. It is far from extravagant, but simple and to the point. The Word of God brings life and healing, and who is without the need for those things?

My son, be attentive to my words;
incline your ear to my sayings.
Let them not escape from your sight;
keep them within your heart.
For they are life to those who find them,
and healing to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.