halfway point

At roughly 10:30 on Friday morning, I crossed the halfway point of my seminary education. Technically, I am slightly past halfway if I were to count the credit hours I have taken. However, since I still have two years remaining I will call this halfway.

...What was that?...You want to know some lessons I have learned?...I would be happy to fill you in.

• Studying God is the driest desert apart from intimate times with Him. It's tempting to think my studies are equivalent to time spent in Scripture and prayer. They are not! I need God like water and air. My studies cannot meet that need.
• Isolation from people is never a good idea. I spent much of my first year reading and studying. I spent little time with people, either at school or in the course of every day life. How I avoided a deeper and darker depression than what I experienced that first year is a testament to God's grace.
• It is okay not to be perfect. I really do want to read everything assigned. I really do want to crush every single assignment. I really do want to ace each and every one of my classes. Since I have not done that up to this point, I have learned to be content with doing my best and leaving the rest up to God.
• Education and ministry are best done together. Again, that first year I did nothing but study. Any ministry I did was minor (in regards to time, not significance). I sat in my "ivory tower" with nothing to do will all the knowledge I had gained. Ministry has allowed me to do something productive (at least I hope) with the training I am receiving. Without I might go crazy or become an arrogant jerk.
• Not every class is enjoyable. It is tempting to think that because God is the general topic of study every class with be awesome and edifying. The reality is I have had a handful of classes that were a struggle to attend and make my way through. I did endure, and, if anything, learned the value of perseverance.
• I am weak and frail, but God is not. In every semester, I reached at least one breaking point. It can be at the beginning when I look at everything in front of me or at the end when twenty-four hours does not seem like enough. And yet each breaking point proved that my weaknesses reveal God's strength. He does what I cannot do, and then allows me to enjoy the fruit.
• I am a sinner daily in need of God's grace. The more I learn, the more I realize how much is still wrong with me. The good news of God's salvation in Christ is not a one-time deal. It is the good news each and every morning I wake. I will never exhaust my need of God's grace. If anything I will only learn how I need it even more than I thought possible.
• God provides. In all honesty, this remains an ongoing lesson. Each and every semester I have witnessed how God has provided for my financial, spiritual, social, emotional, and physical needs. And yet, prior to each semester I wonder whether or not all those needs will be met. I wish I had more faith, but thankfully God remains faithful even when I am faithless.

I could probably list a lot more than those eight. However, those are the big ones which resonate with me most at this moment. It is suffice to say I have learned far more than what my professors have taught or books have presented.

And while I am eager to see what God has in store over the second half of my education, I am glad to embark upon a much-needed break.

prayer lessons

Ironically, my internship responsibilities this spring have centered on prayer. I say ironically because prayer is not one of my strong points. I struggle to stick with it. I become distracted easily. I stumble over my words. I sound like a broken record.

I wish I prayed more like those great men and women I have read about, or even some those I am blessed to serve alongside.

And yet, as I have had the privilege of preaching two sermons and spending time in God's Word, I have found encouragement in the midst of my struggles with prayer.

She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly...As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard...But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation. ~1 Samuel 1:10, 12-16

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord-how long? ~Psalm 6:2-3

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits. ~Psalm 103:1-2

Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation. ~Psalm 111:1

I could have included many other passages, but I figured these four would suffice. At the risk of being too simplistic, prayer is bearing our hearts and souls to the Lord. Yes, we have plenty of examples, such as the Lord's prayer, regarding how we should prayer. They are good at providing structure and guidance to our prayers.

But these four verses reveal what lies as the foundation of our prayers. It is the the people of God desperately crying out to their God and Father. It is recognizing we are in need of His grace and mercy each and every moment of the day.

And that is the comfort I have received over these past few months. My prayers are still far from perfect. I still struggle. But I am being reminded more than structure and form, God wants my heart and soul. He wants me to come before Him with whatever is facing me. God wants to hear my grief. God wants to hear my praise. God wants hear my confession. God wants to everything.

And that is what we are invited to do through prayer.