Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Redemption Scene

In a little over a week, my summer reading pile shrunk in size by one book (only 6 more to go). Since most of my readings are of the theological nature, I felt it necessary to expand my horizons to the world of fiction once again. Last summer I re-read the Lord of the Rings trilogy as well as the prequel to the entire saga, The Samarillion. Personally, I thoroughly enjoy fiction. It can be a nice break from the mundane of everyday life. Plus, who doesn't enjoy a good story every now and again? The Fiddler's Gun was my satisfactory break from the heavier reading from the previous year. Without revealing too much I will say I was pleasantly surprised by the story. It was given to me for Christmas by my sister after I urged for more books as my gifts of choice. I had never heard of the author, A.S. Peterson, or read any of his prior work (actually this was his first novel but he has posted short stories on his site, thefiddlersgun.com). The story is about a young orphan girl and her struggles with acceptance and pain during the American Revolution. Peterson's story was gripping, emotional, adventurous, and riddled with both lovable and detestable characters. What is more, the story is only the first half of the tale. He plans on releasing the final chapter, The Fiddler's Green, over Christmas 2010 (*hint *hint). Hopefully, it will be another enjoyable break from the heavier reading I will be doing between now and then.

The book is filled with memorable moments, but one part from the beginning stood out particularly more than the others. (To ensure no spoiling for those of you who might indulge yourselves, this part is within the first hundred pages and not overly crucial to the developing story). The scene comes after the orphan, Fin, gets into some trouble even after being warned by the sister's running the orphanage. Not surprisingly, Fin is not particularly fond of these two women because of all the rules and restrictions they place upon her. She spends most of her adolescent life trying to escape their grasp and facing the consequences.

Sister Hilde's face lifted from her reading. She stood and placed the Bible on the mantle then sat down on the edge of the bed. Fin tried to roll over and turn away, but Hilde pulled her up into an embrace. She held Fin tight and rocked her. Fin looked up. She could hardly believe it. She had never imagined Hilde harbored a thimbleful of caring in her. "I'm sorry," cried Fin into Hilde's bony breast. "Hush, child," she whispered. Their embrace was long and difficult. Years of bitterness had spread a gulf between them too vast to span in so short a time. Hilde laid Fin back on her pillow and without speaking stood and left the room. Fin tried to remember the last time she'd actually touched Hilde. The only physical contact she'd ever had with the woman had been that of a disciplinary sort. How strange to be caressed by a hand that had only ever brought pain. (Peterson, pp. 87)

Without sharing too much about my emotions, this scene fogged up my glasses. Redemption should always be a beautiful thing to witness for anyone who has been redeemed by the Father through the Son. Even more, I loved seeing myself in this scene. I received saving grace at an early age, but continued to live out my faith as a set of rules inhibiting my ability to enjoy life for most of my adolescent years. It wasn't until college where I had an encounter similar to the one Fin had with sister Hilde.

I don't remember the offense, but I remember the shame and guilt that came soon after. I hid myself from God by withdrawing from His Word and the company of His people. Thankfully, He sought me out not as a slave driver seeking his property, but as a loving father searching for his son. In that moment, there was genuine confession followed by amazing forgiveness. But that was just the beginning. I can remember sensing the embrace of my heavenly Father as He restored my soul and hid me under the shelter of His wings. No more would I associate His hand with pain (though discipline is a part of the faith). For even amidst the shame and hurt of my failings, His hand is there to forgive, restore, and carry me forward.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

the day of fathers

There are three fathers of significance in my life. Two of them are new while the other is a seasoned veteran. As the picture below might suggest, they may not always have everything together in a nice system-like fashion. However, they each love their kid(s) as most humanly possible. Despite their flawed nature, they exemplify the love of our heavenly Father through their interactions as husbands and fathers. I look to these men as examples to follow should I be blessed to follow in a similar path. They are also a real treat to hang out with because trapped inside those rugged exteriors are three kids who still know how to laugh and have fun. I wish a Happy Father's Day to all fathers everywhere, but an extra special one to these three musketeers.

Friday, June 11, 2010

birthday buddies

Early this morning June 11th received another addition for birthday celebrations amongst the Coyle family. Keiper Daniel Coyle made his grand entrance around 12:39 this morning, forever solidifying he and I as "birthday buddies." My birthday plans now involve going to the hospital after my in-service to meet my new nephew, which is enough of a present for me. In all honesty, this event trumps my birthday, and I could care less. For as long as I can remember, my brother's desire has been for a family of his own. Now he has a Keiper to pour all of his knowledge about sports into. If Lauren would let him, Ryan would be teaching Keiper how to shoot layups two weeks from now, but, thankfully, she tends to be the more rational thinker on issues such as these. My prayer is to see my "birthday buddy" soak in the knowledge of his Savior that resonates from his parents as he awaits the ability to shoot jumpers and throw touchdowns.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

teaching the teacher

It's been a few days since the school year ended. The vacation aspect of summer has yet to take effect thanks to in-services, but there is a significant difference when the school is void of any children. The volume level is the most noticeable as well as the relaxed atmosphere amongst the teachers. These changes (and the gradual winding down) have provided time to think and reflect upon what has transpired over the course of this year. If I wanted to, I could set aside multiple posts to hit all the different lessons I learned. Unfortunately, that would be a lot of writing, some redundancy, and occasional topics which have very little value to anyone other than me. Therefore, I am going to skip the professional lessons, and zero in on those which God has used to further my sanctification.

1. I am a sinner in constant need of the grace and mercy of God.
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. (I Timothy 1:15-16)
Sin is a serious problem in every classroom. My classroom is no exception. The students bring their own sins into the room while dealing with the effects of those in their lives who have sinned against them. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about any of that. I can't reverse the effects of sin or make my students stop. However, there is plenty I can do about the sin so prevalent in my own life: confess and repent of it.
I mess up more things in my life than anybody else. This holds true for my classroom. A lot of the problems facing me had more to do with my own sins than those of my students. There were days I was proud, unloving, impatient, unjust, discouraging, angry, and plenty more. Instead of allowing the power of Christ to redeem my fallen classroom, I became a contributing member to its fallen nature. I was (and always am) in need of grace. My biggest struggles arose when I lost the message of the gospel Paul so eloquently outlined to Timothy. I am the worst sinner I know. If I don't believe it, then I have no part in the gospel. My ability to be an effective light to my students only comes as I understand my daily dependence upon grace. The more I understand my need, the more Christ will pour out His grace to flow through me to my students.

2. There is only one Savior, and I am not Him.
You are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed (Isaiah 43:10-12)
I am not Superman. I can't save my students from their issues, struggles, pains, and/or anything else. I need to stop trying to play the part of savior. It doesn't fit me. There is nothing inside me capable of saving another. Basically, I need to stop thinking of myself as a functional savior for my students. The role of Savior belongs to Jesus Christ alone. Only He can take all the baggage my students carry around with them and heal them. He may graciously use me to ease the pain of the baggage, but I will never be the avenue for deliverance. When I try to play the part of savior I am successful only at inhibiting the work of the Spirit.
Unfortunately my pride wants to be the savior. More than anything I want to either be the one to change all the garbage in their lives or be the one to point them in the direction where that change can occur. Essentially, I want to have a hand in what Christ accomplished on the cross. I spent a lot of wasted effort and tears trying to do that very thing. I grew very frustrated when all my attempts failed to bring about the results I was hoping for. As I slowly released my desire to play the part of savior, Christ demonstrated His ability to save, and to do so miraculously.

3. His power truly is made perfect in our weakness.
But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (I Corinthians 12:9-10)
It has taken a long time, but I think this year taught me to embrace my weaknesses. The embracing isn't out of false humility, but expectancy for what God can do with my weaknesses. I can remember a couple of prayers where I gratefully thanked God for not making me Mr. Universe. These moments happened as teachers gave me compliments in areas where those close to me would say "wait, you're talking about Derek?" When people praised me for my weaknesses, pride found it hard to become inflated. The continual deflation of my pride brought with it more avenues for Christ to work through my weaknesses. I grew more willing to step out in faith as my fear of weakness subsided. The truth behind this promise took on a living and active element as opposed to a powerless statement Christians tend to throw around. I am still thankful for my strengths, because they are gifts God has blessed me with to serve Him. However, I look at my weaknesses as opportunities for God to receive all the glory, leaving no room for any other accolades.

As the summer progresses, I am certain more lessons will be revealed to me by the Spirit. Until then (by the grace of God), I will allow the Spirit to continue to teach me the deeper truths behind these lessons and help me better comprehend and adore my Savior.

School's out for summer!

There will be much more to come, but the last of my students loaded the bus for summer vacation. I still have a handful of inservice days left. However, there is a large sense of relief in knowing tomorrow will not involve me trying to maintain peace and order to a class full of 10-year olds. I have learned more than a year's worth (that's the part that is still to come) in terms of my professional and Christ-like development. I made it to the end by God's grace and power alone. My body and mind are more than ready for this wonderful break. It starts officially today!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I am excited! Roughly two weeks from now I will get to do this:

Contrary to what you may think, the beach is not the reason for my excitement. Once school is finished, I will get to read to my heart's desire. My summer position of swim coach/tutor/swim instructor works beautifully around my reading schedule. I coach practice in the morning, tutor soon after, and finish my swim lessons by two. From that point until dinner, I can be found sitting poolside with a book in my hand and ice water by my feet. Sure, I have been known to dabble in a nap every now and again, but I love it! I bought a slew of books over the winter, which I never got to reading given my busy school schedule. On the menu for this summer are:

finishing The Fiddler's Gun (turned the room a little "dusty" more than once to be honest)
The Holiness of God ~R.C. Sproul (first-time reading)
Crazy Love ~Francis Chan (first-time reading)
The Reason for God ~Tim Keller (first-time reading
Knowing God ~J.I. Packer (2nd time around, but this time with a pen)
plus whatever books I may or may not receive when I age by one year next week.

However many books I get through, I am eagerly looking forward to the free time coming my way.