three-day weekend

Unlike a traditional weekend, I am only on day two of rest and relaxation. School is off tomorrow, which means I get to stay home. While the day will most likely include lesson planning, grading, and many other teacher related activities, it will be a much-needed day of rest. I am almost one month into my first year (a post about that will be coming shortly), and I am already learning to enjoy and seek rest. God, graciously, made us beings who require rest whether we take it or not. In addition to physical rest, I am enjoying the spiritual rest that comes with the weekend. Being able to worship on Sunday mornings with other believers is truly a blessing I have come to take for granted. It encourages and satisfies like nothing else can. Along with corporal worship, the weekend provides plenty of time to commune with my Savior: to bask in His love, joy, peace, and comfort. The responsibility falls on me to pursue it because the offer is always on the table.

"when God shows up"

Apparently people like to say this a lot. I can't say how many stories I have heard where people describe things as going a certain way until "God showed up." I understand their point, but I never really liked that saying. It implies God being somewhere else, when His Word promises He won't. I think the more appropriate quote should be "God grabbed my attention." Or in my case; "God knocked me topside the head."

Ever since I moved, I have been looking for a church to become a part of and experience community with. My search led me to a handful of churches, but each one did not meet my expectations (hopefully you are more discerning than I was, and, even now, recognize my foolishness). In my arrogance, I acted like an athlete in the middle of a contract dispute; I held out. I took my self-centered attitude into every church with the intended purpose of finding its faults. Unbeknownst to me, my heart became hard to God's grace being displayed through these bodies of believers. My heart had become like Pharaoh: callous towards the blessings of our God because they weren't what I wanted. I took this heart with me to church this morning ready to fight.

I attending a service this morning where worship was the theme of the worship service. I brought my attitude in with me, assured that everything I would hear had already been impressed upon me. I would be told that God is the center of all our worship, leaving all our preferences and criticisms void. I would be encouraged to contemplate the vastness of God in order to drive my posture in worship. Finally, I would hear how worship incorporates all aspects of our lives, not just special occasions. As a matter of fact, Psalm 145 and Revelation 4 were the passages of the sermon, and they reiterated my assumptions. I had successfully listened to the sermon and convinced myself everything shared through the Word received a "check" in my gradebook. I was getting ready to leave in the same manner I came in; then God knocked me topside my head.

Graciously, the church decided to do most of their worship, in song, after the sermon. They wanted a chance for God's people to respond to His Word. I began with the half-hearted singing I took up before the sermon, still convinced of my righteousness. They started the second song, which I was completely unfamiliar with. I had to go from fake singing to a fake contemplation over the words. It was in this song, that God did the knocking. Honestly, I don't even remember any of the words, the style, or anything else about the song, because it wasn't the song that "knocked me over." It was our God overwhelming me with just how BIG and GLORIOUS He truly is! I stood bare before His throne with only my arrogance and pride to show. I was Job when God said to him, "Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me." And like Job, my mouth was rendered useless before Him.

But in His mercy, He granted me forgiveness. He did not leave me there, but drew me unto Himself through my Savior. In that posture, I worshipped the way I was created to. My heart acknowledged that, "Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable."

on man...

Today was pretty much a terrible, rotten, no good, very bad day (for those who know the book by a similar title). My patience was pushed to the brink, and, thankfully, the Spirit kept me from going over the edge. I don't know what it is about some of these students, but I wish I did. Obviously, they need to experience the love of our Savior and the miraculous change He can orchestrate within. Sadly, my job description does not allow me to do that with my words, just my actions. I am left only (and by only I do not mean to minimize the role and effectiveness of prayer) to pray each and every day for these youngsters, and try my best to be Jesus to them because I fear it may be the only experience they ever have with Him. It's excpetionally hard on days like today, but on my way home I was reminded that it can be done.

How many times have I pushed God's patience to the brink? (Technically the answer is zero, because He is long-standing and merciful) As I rode home listening to whatever worship songs my Ipod would play, I was overcome with the sense of my own rebellion towards God. Even with a new heart and mind, I still act significantly worse towards my Savior, than my students act towards me. I know the Truth, and often times choose to act against it. I have experienced the grace and love, but neglect to let it saturate my relationship with Him. If I can get so frustrated with the students who talk back and refuse to listen, how is it that God can continually be faithful when I run away and take His blessings for granted? Grace. Where would I be without grace? It is what has saved me and what continues to sustain me each and every day.

an athlete who got it right

For those who didn't know, David Robinson (center for the San Antonio Spurs) was inducted into the Hall of Fame yesterday. He was (and is) my favorite athlete of all time. In a day where most athletes have little regard for those who are watching them, David reconciled his faith and the wide world of athletics with humility and passion. Listen and watch his Hall of Fame speech, and you will hear a man walking in accordance with the Spirit. It's a breath of fresh air for all of us, whether we are watched by millions of die-hard fans or twenty four energetic fourth graders.

what a week and what a God!

Just when I thought things could not get any crazier, the second week of my teaching career ended. Things started off with my car singing her last song leaving me frantically searching for a new mode of transporation. In addition, a number of the young gentlemen in my class had taken advantage of my laid-back approach, and my patience was wearing thin. It seemed like this week would never end. I was frustrated, stressed, and exhausted.

Thankfully, I began rereading the book Unfashionable to get a deeper look into how we, as Christians, are called to live drastically different lives for the sake of the lost. One of the chapters I read explained the need for Christians to be angry people. Not angry at what is being done to them, but angry at what is being done to our God;

"God-centered anger is when you get angry because God has been
dishonored and his ways have been maligned."

I immediately thought this was the answer to my classroom situation. I needed to get angry because these kids were not honoring our God. Then I read this,

"God centered anger is humble...Until you first feel the grief and
anger over your own imperfections, you dare not show grief and anger
over the imperfections of others."

Wow! The problem wasn't necessarily my kids; it was me. I wasn't angry because the kids were not successfully being image bearers of God, I was angry because they weren't following my rules. I took this to heart as I went before the students on Thursday to confess my failures at helping them grow and showing them how through my example. As a result, Friday was one of the better days of the year thus far. I got off my high, self-involved horse to view my students the way God has called me to. I am learning to hate what He hates and love what He loves as I work with these students.

To top it all off, God continued to demonstrate His faithfulness to me. My car came back from the shop running the same way it ran before I broke down last weekend. I am no longer in need of an immediate automotive upgrade, so I can be more patient to find the best deal for my current situation. But to keep my head level and eyes fixed, God has once again demanded my full attention. He has graciously allowed a minor physical ailment to remind me of my weakness and His surpassing strength. Thank God for His amazing grace!

Working in mysterious ways?

My first week of teaching is now in the bag, and the second week is upon me. I already know the challenges facing me, along with the lessons I need learning in patience. Sadly enough, the first week made me feel pretty good. Why is feeling good a bad thing, you ask? Unfortunately, my tendency is to take my feelings of things going well and place full stock in them staying that way. I lose focus of my need for God as I take advantage of His blessings. I start to plow ahead without any regard for what He desires or what His will is. As a result, God starts to work in mysterious (humbling might be the better word because they aren't really mysterious) ways to adjust my mindset. This time around, God recaptured my attention by testing my trust in Him. Basically, my car is finally showing the signs of her age (almost 20 years) after breaking down on route to Keuka. I have some money to buy a new car, but nowhere near enough to avoid any kind of loan. My plans to finish off this year with a chunk of change saved has altered drastically in a matter of 48 hours. However, I feel like this is a blessing in disguise. Before I even got a chance to let money (this is my first real job) get a hold of me, God grabbed me first. He is making sure my trust is devoted to Him alone, and He remains the Lord of my life. It isn't the way I was hoping to start off the year, but I know it was just what God wanted all along.