rotten bones

I've been listening to the Bible on my phone the past few weeks as a result of a minor head injury I suffered over Christmas. Listening puts far less strain on my recovering head.

It is also a different media, which allows another sense to pick up on things my eyes miss. Tonight it was Proverbs 14:30,

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.

Rarely will I ever identify myself as tranquil (and not simply because that word is outside of my vocabulary). I wish I could, because throughout the course of any given day my flesh needs life.

I will admit I suffer from rotting bones. Sadly, I could create a very long list of things I envy. If given a time limit, I could still come up with a handful. Some of them are petty, while others are less so.

Envy comes easy to me. I can convince myself that there are important things I lack, and then stress how crucial it is that I somehow attain them. And as Proverbs 14:30 says, I grow rotten.

My rottenness displays itself in a variety of ways. I have noticed how it can make me physically tired even if I have done nothing physical. I have witnessed how it draws me away from people and into isolation. I have found how it can move its way into my head and make things up there just as rotten. And it can do much more. It really is a disease.

And just like most diseases, it can go unnoticed for far too long. I can downplay my envy or pass it off as wishful thinking. I fail to fight against it, until it has created havoc and chaos.

At this weekend's youth retreat, we spent the first two nights on Ephesians 1-2. Those passages are very familiar to me, but they always find a way to amaze me every time I read them. What stood out this time was how death was the state we were all in before God saved us through Christ, and how death is what we naturally fall back to.

Envy is drifting toward death. Rotten bones are usually associated with death and disease.

I need life. I need tranquility. I need trust both in the life my Savior has gifted me as well as the good things which are presently mine through Him.