why the blog?

Before I get too far into this, I must send out two disclaimers. The first is never in a million years did I think I would be blogging. I was thoroughly opposed to every shape and form of blogging I had ever experienced. However, in light of my recent defeat at the hands of Facebook, I now go all in with this blog. Second, I must give credit to my sister who started her own blog which challenged and encouraged me to do the same. This blog is mostly for myself, but I hope that at times it may encourage those who read it or at least get them thinking. I don't care if they agree or disagree as long as it elicits some reaction on a deeper level...

With that said, welcome to my blog! It is a culmination of the last two years needing to be put down in writing somewhere other than my journal, along with anticipation for the year ahead. To give you an update, I am starting my second year out of college and am getting ready to embark upon my new career in a matter of weeks. The journey to this point has been marked by trial, laughter, tears of sorrow and joy, a lot of prayer, reading, and meditation, and daily struggling to grapple with the plans God has in store for me.

This leads me now to the title of my blog. Peniel is the name Jacob gave to the place where he wrestled with God, and then lived to see another day. For those of you who don't know the story, I encourage you to read Genesis 32:22-32 for yourselves. In quick summary, Jacob is about to meet his estranged brother Esau (who he expects has every desire to kill Jacob) with his entire life investments alongside him (wives, children, livestock, servants, etc.). He goes off on his own and wrestles God, in the form of a man, demanding to be blessed. In the end, he receives his blessing (a new name) as well as a dislocated hip to remind him of his struggle. (Now to find out the rest of the story, I want you to go read it instead of me spoiling it for you). What this particular story has to do with me is nothing more than it generally sums up my experiences with God over the past two years: wrestling which leads to blessing.

The reality of the passage never really set in until I read Psalm 10 last week. The style of this Psalm is repeated often throughout the book (Psalms 13, 17, 22, 55, and others), and it is a style that fascinates me every time I encounter it. These particular Psalms all depict the writer (whether David or one of the many other writers) in the midst of an intense trial that includes some level of suffering. As they suffer, these men find out what it means to really wrestle with God and His promises. In the midst of the pain and suffering, they go to God with questions such as, "Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" Now to most of us, these words seem judgmental and irreverent. How can finite man accuse God of silently standing by? The answer is because they aren't accusing God of anything. The only thing these men are guilty of is falling before the throne of grace and laying themselves bare before their King (which is never easy to do). They ignore the self-righteous and religious call to clean ourselves up if we expect to enter into God's presence, and choose to come before Him in whatever condition they find themselves in. And this is where the wrestling begins...

Now the writers take it one step further, calling God to action on their behalf. They claim His promises revealed through His Word and character about saving those in need (Zephaniah 3:17). Like Jacob, they desire a blessing, but are unsure of the manner in which it will be provided. Sometimes it may be deliverance from the trial, while other times it may be continued comfort along the way. Either way, the wrestling is not done in order to get God to do what we want, but to conform our will to His good, perfect, and pleasing will (Romans12:2). We never wrestle God with the hopes of winning, but with the expectation that He will wreak havoc on our will. We cry out the same words of the father of the possessed boy in Mark 9:24, "I believe; help my unbelief!" And now the amazing work of grace becomes evident...

Each of these Psalms ends with a loud exclamation of the greatness of our God. They have seen the fruits of their wrestling with God, and the aligning of our will to His. "O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear" (Psalm 10:17). Were these men necessarily delivered from their struggle and trial? No, but they saw afresh the workings of God's grace and reality of His promises. This world is filled with pain, sorrow, and struggle, but God will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13). This fact alone does nothing more than draw us closer to the Father with a heart full of praise and adoration for the God of our salvation, both in this life and, especially, the next.

So what I leave with now is a challenge to myself and everyone else who finds themselves in a season of trial or victory. My challenge is not to be afraid to wrestle with God. If I am completely honest with myself, I am excited, and yet afraid, of the wrestling I will be doing over the next year with our sovereign God. It will be painful and humiliating, but I am assured that it will be more than worth it. Throughout the pages of the Bible we see men (and women) such as Jacob, Joseph, Ruth, Esther, David, Mary, Jesus, Paul, and many others wrestling over the plan God had laid out for their lives. It isn't wrong to wrestle as long as our motive is to be changed and not accuse God of injustice (because God is anything but unjust given our nature and track record). It isn't easy, as I am continually learning, but God promises to bless those who earnestly seek after Him...as long as we willingly step into the ring.

*As a side note, not all of my entries will be this long or involved. Hopefully, they will somehow draw back to this idea (given the name of the blog), but sometimes they may not. I might include humorous stories, words of encouragement, inspirational pictures, or anything else I may feel like. As I stated above, my desire is simply to get us thinking differently about faith, and how it plays out in everyday life.