i've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...where?

As a child, this song was a personal favorite of mine. You couldn't really sing it without smiling, laughing, or somehow putting the wondrous joy on display. Plus, there were a bunch of other verses to add, which made the joy last longer than your usual song. People of all ages knew the song and would sing it like they were a child once again. No matter what season the church found itself, everyone could always dig down deep and find the joy to help sing. Unfortunately, it hasn't been working for me.

It would be an outright lie if I said my life is just overflowing with joy. At this moment in time, joy is one of the desirable things I have having trouble finding. It is not a case where I am not looking for it, though it might be where I am looking that is the problem. To me, my classroom appears to be a place of constant chaos. Even when we experience small victories, they are quickly outdone by larger defeats. Aside from my feelings of failure, I am overcome with a sense of depression and sorrow. At the end of the day, my energy and patience are spent to the point of exhaustion. With this lack of energy (both physical and spiritual), joy is nothing more than an enigma. I can search the ends of the earth for it, but I will never grab hold of it.

Our God tells us a different story. It is one that humbles me whenever I read it, because it puts my faith and trust on trial. It is the story of Jesus Christ. I won't go into details, but I will tell it the way Hebrews does in Chapter 12;

"looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (v.2)

Jesus found joy in going to the cross! This is revolutionary and altogether humbling. I know the reason behind the joy was the Father's glory in the salvation of sinners, but it doesn't diminish His joy while living through the pain. I can't find joy in something I where I don't know whether the outcome will be favorable or not. Christ knew the outcome would be horrible (the worst torture a man can be put through), and yet He found joy in the midst of it. This puts my trust in God to shame. I doubt His ability to fill me with the joy I need to make it through, when I have the ultimate test of His faithfulness right in front of me. I guess the real solution lies in the first phrase of Hebrews 12, "looking to Jesus."