Friday, November 27, 2009

full of thanks


I forgot to post an official Thanksgiving greeting yesterday because my day was rather full and busy. I do not have enough room or words to write down all that I am thankful for. Plus, it would get real boring rather quickly. Instead, I will show you my favorite thing about my break thus far. Spending time, yesterday, with my entire family is a close second as I always enjoy being with them wherever and whenever. However, the addition of the 5th lady in my life (mom and 3 sisters being the other 4 as of right now) propels this event to the top. It doesn't seem like much, but I had a blast. At first, I was afraid I stole her daddy's thunder. He quickly reassured me that this was not the case (I saw a picture later on, and she does seem much more content with him, as she should). So I will simply cherish my new role as uncle, and add it to the blessings of being a son, brother, friend, teacher, and whatever else God has planned for me.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

more musical musings

A few posts ago I confessed my love of music and its ability to sum up life at any given moment. Last night I got to experience this reality once again. Given the short week due to Thanksgiving, I stayed at school later than normal in order to get as much work done as possible. The school day itself was long and frustrating, so working late was not the most enjoyable thing I could have imagined. On the ride home, I threw on my Worship playlist like I do most days only this time something seemed different. I don't know if it was the darkness of the evening, my being tired, or a desire to find peace where I know it exists but I was listening (and singing of course) with a waiting expectancy. It was as if I knew God would speak to me as I sat alone on my drive home. I had no idea what it would be until "The Desert Song" by Hillsong was nearing its interlude (for those who don't know I am currently on a Hillsong kick, and highly recommend them). The overall truth of the song fits my classroom struggles, but this part hit the "nail on the head."

"All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship."

As I embark upon my first significant break of the year I recognize the many seasons I have experienced thus far. In general, it has been a season of struggle and hardship, intermixed with joy and encouragement. The song reminded me how well I worship during the easy times, and how poorly I sing during the struggles. It's not a problem specific to me, but most Christians. We find it easy to bring praise when things seem praiseworthy, but nearly impossible when things are unpleasant. There is a truth that we can find cling to in both situations. The very fact that God's sovereignty and lordship are never affected by the ups and downs of my life is some of the best news imaginable. It reminds us why He is God and we are not. Nothing in this life, good or bad, diminishes His status as Lord and King. This gives us a comfort and place of shelter to run to when we grow weary. As the song says, it gives us a reason to sing and worship regardless of our current situation. I am slowly learning to cherish this truth in my own life. It is a truth full of blessings when we let it sink in, especially when times are tough.

Monday, November 16, 2009

say uncle...

Seriously! I have joined the ranks. My day went from good to great in a matter of minutes with this announcement. My sister and brother-in-law welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world this morning. Unfortunately, I will not get to officially introduce her to Uncle Derek until next week, but I couldn't be more excited! I look forward to the years of spoiling her rotten (without the knowledge of her parents of course), and teaching her all the wisdom I have gained over the years (and boy do I have a lot). In all seriousness, I am overflowing with joy at seeing the faithful hand of God at work in my family. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, but God has pulled us through each time. He has remained faithful, even when we were faithless. This day has been a long time coming, especially for the happy parents. My joy intensified as I listened to Aaron show her off to me over the phone with Danielle chiming "good girl" in the background. You might not find two happier worshipers than these two right now. What is more, I think of them raising this beautiful girl to fall in love with Jesus Christ, the lover of her soul.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

a letter of encouragement...literally

At the end of another chaotic day in Mr. Coyle's neighborhood, I went to my school mailbox to retrieve any notes with my name on them. There was the typical teacher magazine, lunch money notes, and other odds'n'ends. However, at the bottom was a letter from a lady living in Susquehanna township (for her sake, I will refrain from revealing her name). I have never met this lady, but, after today, I would certainly like to. She introduced the letter by telling how she read about my hiring in the township newsletter. She saw I graduated from Messiah college and took a leap of faith. This leap of faith was God reminding me, once again, that He is a faithful, loving, compassionate, and gracious God.

"He (God) has called me to commit to pray regularly for you throughout this school year...My initial prayers have been centered on your personal relationship with Him-that you would be growing stronger and deeper as a Christian...I will continue to pray for you and your class during the year as God leads me. However, if you have a specific need, request, or praise that you would like to share with me, feel free to get in touch with me..."

To be honest, I am still in speechless awe of our God. My heart is in a hybrid state of amazement/shame. The amazement is in the sheer idea a stranger writing me a letter to express her desire to pray for my students and me (and boy do we need it!). In addition, God is showing me that despite how much bigger He is than my petty struggles, He still actively cares for them. The shame stems from my lack of trust in God to provide me with the comfort and encouragement I need. Also, what would it take for me to take similar leap of faith to encourage a believer I have never met? Again, speechless. My ultimate response was this: praise of the Father through thanking my new friend. In my email back to her, I simply told her (in these exact and more words, of course) what Paul said to the church in Philippi;

"I thank my God every time I remember you" (Philippians 1:3)*

*This verse also applies to all those who are diligently bearing me up before the throne of grace each and every day; I truly covet your prayers.

Friday, November 6, 2009

the theme of my song

For those of you who don't know, I love music. I love the sounds, blends, lyrics, voices, and everything else. I a firm believer that good music can make a mediocre movie/TV show good, and a good one great. It is why I love Scrubs as much as I do. The show probably isn't the best ever, but the music does such a good job of capturing the emotions of the moment. Music has the ability to say a ton, sometimes without using any words.

I always play my iPod on shuffle. I like the level of surprise that comes with listening to things at random or out of order. Now this doesn't mean I never skip songs to get to one I like, but there's nothing wrong with dictating every now and then. I especially like shuffling when I listen to worship music. For some reason (though we all know the real reason), I always hear a song that fits right into something I read in the Bible or some issue I struggle with. The song will either encourage or challenge me depending on what I am in need of most. Yesterday, I was driving home from another tough day where my joy was waning, when the song "Closer to You" by Mark Schultz flooded from my speakers. To be perfectly honest, I want this song to be played/sung at my funeral. The entirety of it fits better for that occasion, but the first verse was for my (not a typo) here and now;

Closer to me I'm tired and I'm weak
Every breath within me is longing just to be
Closer to You
So I face the road ahead
Cause I know there's no comparing
To what's waiting at the end

So let the rain start falling where it will
And I will run through this valley
Just to climb to that hill
And if they ask why I'm smiling
After all I've been through
It's cause I'm just a day closer to You

If you think I am saying how ready I am to be taken away you would be right. But that does not make the thought morbid or depressing. In fact, it is one source of the Christian's joy. Because each day we finish here is one day closer to us receiving our True Love and heart's deepest desire, we can find joy no matter how horrible the things around us are. It doesn't mean I walk around waiting to be taken away for that would be abdicating my responsibility as an ambassador of Christ. It simply means holding eternity in plain sight as I struggle to make a difference in the world through the good news of the gospel.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

i've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...where?

As a child, this song was a personal favorite of mine. You couldn't really sing it without smiling, laughing, or somehow putting the wondrous joy on display. Plus, there were a bunch of other verses to add, which made the joy last longer than your usual song. People of all ages knew the song and would sing it like they were a child once again. No matter what season the church found itself, everyone could always dig down deep and find the joy to help sing. Unfortunately, it hasn't been working for me.

It would be an outright lie if I said my life is just overflowing with joy. At this moment in time, joy is one of the desirable things I have having trouble finding. It is not a case where I am not looking for it, though it might be where I am looking that is the problem. To me, my classroom appears to be a place of constant chaos. Even when we experience small victories, they are quickly outdone by larger defeats. Aside from my feelings of failure, I am overcome with a sense of depression and sorrow. At the end of the day, my energy and patience are spent to the point of exhaustion. With this lack of energy (both physical and spiritual), joy is nothing more than an enigma. I can search the ends of the earth for it, but I will never grab hold of it.

Our God tells us a different story. It is one that humbles me whenever I read it, because it puts my faith and trust on trial. It is the story of Jesus Christ. I won't go into details, but I will tell it the way Hebrews does in Chapter 12;
"looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (v.2)
Jesus found joy in going to the cross! This is revolutionary and altogether humbling. I know the reason behind the joy was the Father's glory in the salvation of sinners, but it doesn't diminish His joy while living through the pain. I can't find joy in something I where I don't know whether the outcome will be favorable or not. Christ knew the outcome would be horrible (the worst torture a man can be put through), and yet He found joy in the midst of it. This puts my trust in God to shame. I doubt His ability to fill me with the joy I need to make it through, when I have the ultimate test of His faithfulness right in front of me. I guess the real solution lies in the first phrase of Hebrews 12, "looking to Jesus."


Sunday, November 1, 2009

every man's need

"Man2Man" was the title of the sermon I listened to during the worship service on this beautiful fall morning. As you can probably guess, it was directed towards the men in the congregation though it was entirely applicable to the women as well.

The pastor wanted to address a growing problem with the men in our day. It is a problem I stare in the face every single day with my students, particularly the gentlemen. For a variety of reasons our world lacks strong, masculine, and Godly men. Too many husbands and fathers abdicate their responsibilities for the meaningless pleasures of this life without any regards for the havoc it is reeking upon families. Most of the boys in my classroom are absent of fathers or have had such a bad experience with theirs that the thought of any male authority figure is repulsive to them. Unfortunately, this problem infects the church as well as the culture around us. Christian men shy away from their responsibilities in the home and church. Our children know nothing about the God we serve and what Christ has done to enable us to serve. We have failed to live out Deuteronomy 6 in our families. As a result, children play the "God-game" as long as they live with their parents, but quickly abandon it when they move out. The sermon challenged the men to embrace their God-given masculinity by looking to Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Elijah, David, Peter, James, John, and, ultimately, Jesus as our examples. In movie terms, these men would be the action stars only with the ability the act. They were tough, strong, and rugged leaders, who could laugh, sing, serve, and weep. In order to become like these men, we must recognize two glaring needs: a spiritual father and a band of brothers. Each man had one, which is why they were used by God in such powerful and life-changing ways.

The application, for me, was not finding people to play these parts. By God's grace, I have already been blessed with a spiritual father and a band of brothers. Unlike many male Christians today, my spiritual father was/is my biological father. He put his faith on display for my siblings and I to see everyday. He read and memorized Scripture, talked openly about his faith, sang joyously (which most men are afraid to do), served, wept (also a fear for most men), and led graciously. He wasn't perfect by any means, but he introduced me through word and deed to my Father. I know a number of young men who have turned outside their family for spiritual guidance because the failures of their Christian fathers. While the men who stepped in should not be overlooked, it is a grievous sin (on the part of fathers) that they should be depended upon for their sons' primary spiritual formation. So while God is glorified when other men fill in the gaps, His glory is tainted when fathers are the cause for those gaps.

My band of brothers formed rather quickly my freshman year in college. Halfway through the first semester, we started a Bible study where we could grow and challenge one another to be more like Christ. This continued over the next four years with new members coming and going each year, but the core remaining the same. In the midst of those gatherings laughs were shared, tears (mainly mine thanks to me being my father's son) were shed, walls were destroyed, and comforts lines were blurred in the name of brotherly love. Last year I was absent from the band while I lived at home, but the bond remained intact thanks to commitments of prayer, emails, and phone calls. It was in that year when I realized my I had taken for granted the Godly men placed in my life to help me grow in my knowledge and love of God. For a lot of men, this seems contrary to what the world tells us. We live in a world where only the strong survive, and the strong men are those who stand alone. They don't need anyone or anything because it is a sign of weakness. Sadly, many men in the church embrace this very attitude. They refuse a band of brothers for fear of being vulnerable and exposed. They view sharing your thoughts, struggles, pains, and joys as feminine, when they are exactly what Christ and his band of 12 apostles did every single day for three years (and this group consisted of a carpenter, fishermen, and other manly men). The issue again comes back to the absence of a father to demonstrate these aspects of the Christian life for them in everyday situations.

Because God has graciously met these needs in my life, the sermon took on a different face. My call is not to find a father and band of brothers, but to follow the example of Christ (Mark 3:13-14). Christ was a spiritual father who helped form a band of brothers. If God blesses me with the gift of a wife and children, my responsibility will be clear as day. Deuteronomy 6 will be my mission statement until the day God calls me unto Himself. However, even if He chooses to withhold those gifts, my mission statement does not change. I am to make it my calling to aid in the spiritual formation of the younger generation. I need to exemplify by word and deed what Christ desires of me thanks to His sacrifice on the cross. Hopefully, it will encourage them to band together with intent of growing in Christ and being fathers to the fatherless.

Of course, I couldn't end this post without a word of gratitude to my spiritual father and my band of brothers. But I do not want to leave out anyone else who has been a secondary spiritual father over the years. I have had many, and I thank God for each and every one.