the stretch run

Tuesday marks the first day of the 4th marking period. This means the end is in sight, but not quite here yet. There is still a long road left to trek. Thankfully, this past weekend could not have come at a better time. I needed time away more than I realized. My resolve has been waining over recent weeks as well as my ability to love these kids the way Christ called me to. It all came to a head on the last school day of the week. On the ride home, the floodgates opened.

My spirit was broken over the constant burden of handling my students. Failed attempt after failed attempt to reach these kids finally became more than I could handle. My heart could not bear to see God's desire for His children constantly disregarded and unwanted. It wasn't a self-righteous attitude over the ways in which I am better than my students, but a Spirit-filled grief because it has been revealed to me through God's Word what He desperately desires for all His children. I am trying to put forth what I know is best for my students because it it what God declares is best. Seeing these desires trampled upon is heart breaking. The heart break finally reached the tipping point. In addition, the struggles in my classroom do not occur in isolation from the rest of my life. Other issues have been weighing heavily upon my heart in recent weeks, making this a season best characterized as hard.

Graciously, God has shown Himself faithful:

Who rises up for me against the wicked? Who stands up for me against evildoers?

If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

~Psalm 94: 16-19

I was reminded of this passage many times over this Easter weekend. God showed the many benefits we receive because of Christ death on the cross and resurrection three days later. Obviously, and primarily, we are gifted salvation from Satan, sin, and death as the penalty of sin has been paid leaving us reconciled to the Father. That alone is enough reason for joy and praise throughout this lifetime and all of eternity. God, however, did not stop there. He showed me the hope and comfort that also comes from the cross and empty tomb. The very place where the severity of my sin and the glory of God's grace was revealed gives me all the strength I need to persevere.

I can bring my weary and tired self before Him because Christ did the same. I can bear my troubled soul out to Him because Christ did the same. I can weep in moments of brokenness because Christ did the same. I can beg Him for deliverance while submitting to His will because Christ did the same. And in those moments, I will find the strength, comfort, hope, and, yes, joy I am desperately in need of. Why? Because Christ received the same in His hour of greatest need.

I spent much of this past week praying in the Garden. I used Christ's example of how to approach the Father when the road ahead appears too much to bear. I held nothing back. And while I can't say whether or not angels came to attend to me, I do know my closest companions did not fall asleep. Time spent this weekend with friends and family reminded me of all those who consistently bear me up to the Father. More importantly, singing songs of Christ's resurrection brought the joy and comfort I needed. My life in Him provides me with the strength to press on.

It won't be an easy road. I am sure there will be plenty of more hours spent alone in the Garden. Even when the year is over, there will be more roads to travel, some tougher. Thankfully, my Father does not change, so neither will my song:

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.