dead or sleeping

(Note of disclaimer. I am not trying to rub people the wrong way or ruffle any feathers. And I pray no one views this as sitting on a "high horse" or pedestal. I am just making observations from my own life, primarily, and the lives of many in our country when it comes to faith. It's been a struggle of mine since returning home.)

Over the past couple of weeks two passages seem to be pressing heavily upon my own heart. They come to mind during the quiet times throughout the day and in conversations with different people. For me, they are a much-needed burden as I see areas of my life where I see these two passages speaking directly. From there, I pray for them to be seen in a similar light by all who proclaim salvation as God's gift of grace through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ alone, namely those in this country.

Am I dead? Are we dead?

The hand of the Lord was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and, behold, they were very dry. And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord God, you know"...Then he said to me, "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, "Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off." ~Ezekiel 37:1-3, 11

Am I sleeping? Are we sleeping?

And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." And he took with him Peter, James, and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch"...And he came and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, "Simon, are you asleep? Could you not watch one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak"...And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they did not know what to answer him. And he came the third time and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and taking your rest?"

~Mark 14:32-34, 37-38, 40-41

The more time I spent away from the "everyday-ness" of 21st century American Christianity the more my heart grieved over what I saw. The growing time gap between my trip and now grieves my heart as I see how quickly I jump right back into the stream. It reminds me I am as much the problem as anyone else. Before I can even think about pointing fingers, most of the blame falls upon my own head.

While away I saw a deeper longing for time in God's Word and prayer, genuine fellowship grounded in Jesus Christ, daily seeking out interactions with the lost to share Christ with them, heartfelt repentance over my many sins both large and small, an undeniable sense of the voice of God, and the active working of the hand of God, to name a few. I grasped Christ's words of experiencing His joy and knowing it to the fullest. My heart ached at the thought of leaving.

Since being home I fight myself to be in God's Word, agonize over taking time to pray, seek the comfort of myself more often than not, rarely engage with non-Christians (let alone seek them out), manage my sins as not being "all that bad," hear nothing, and see nothing, to name a few. I am distracted by way too many meaningless things. I convince myself the little time I have must be spent engaging in the tiny pleasures of this fleeting life. I rush through anything pertaining to spiritual growth because my time is "limited." I desire less and less of God as I seek to fill my life with more and more of the garbage handed to me on a silver platter. I am definitely longing, desiring, seeking, hungering, thirsting, and asking, only it sickens me when I get a glimpse of what exactly I am doing these things for.

Am I dead or sleeping?

Theologically, I can't be dead since by receiving Christ I received life from the Spirit. Practically the difference between being dead and asleep are trivial. Either way I am in desperate need of God's Spirit. Like the bones, I need Him to equip me with breath, sinews, muscles, flesh, and skin to give life to my body. Like the apostles, I need Him to come shake me until I arise from my slumber. Whether dead or sleeping, I am worthless. I am unable to perform any of the tasks He has graciously enabled me to do. I am living as an unfaithful and ungrateful servant whose life has been redeemed.

Are we dead or sleeping?

We burn books in the name of piety. We ignore false teaching permeating from the pulpit. We treat church as merely a social club. We lack knowledge of God's Word without seeming too bothered by it. We argue over trivial things, but let the important matters go unnoticed. We treat prayer as only for the gifted. We have no joy in our salvation making us useless in sharing with others. We fix our eyes on our needs, wants, pleasures, luxuries, and comforts at the expense of those around us. We'll do whatever it takes to get them even if it means sacrificing faith, family, and friends. We place responsibility for everything on anyone but ourselves. And I could keep going. Basically, we regard what this world has to offer with far greater worth than who our God is, what He's done for us, and what He expects from us. We are friends (bff's if you will) of this world and everything it wants us to treasure.

And along with these two passages, God brings to mind two others I know well in my head, but fail to grasp in my heart. They aren't nice encouragements for us to take our time in repenting of our sin. They are spoken in love, but God's love is clearly known to be tough when it needs to be.

But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.

~Revelation 2:4-5

I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

Revelation 3:15-19