king of lizards

It looks like all my Discovery Channel viewing has finally paid off as well as my excursions into the deep forests of Pinebrook Bible Conference as a child.

Is he/she a beaut or what?

Sorry about the blurriness of the picture. We were trying to take it as we rounded a bend. It was taken during our trip to Delhi back in the middle of February. But even with the poor focus, I am quite confident the large object to the left is still visible. It is a 30+ foot high statue of one of the Hindu gods. Prior to this point, I had not seen one larger than roughly five feet. And since coming back I have yet to seen anything close. It reminds me a bit of the large statue Rack, Shack, and Benny (thanks for helping with the spelling Veggie Tales) were commanded to bow down to by Nebbu K (more props to those vegetables). Once the shock of such a large statue wore off I found myself disgusted, but not in a God-honoring manner. My mind thought "who would worship something such as that."

As I have dwelt upon my reaction to the idol and the grandness of it I wish my reaction would have been a bit more appropriate. Yes, the very existence of the idol is an attempted slap in the face of our God. I am not compromising there. It is giving glory where it doesn't belong. God does not look lightly upon it, and neither should we. But my job is not to condemn but pray for God to open their eyes. He will get the glory He deserves in His time.

What I really felt God wanted to challenge me with was my own arrogance. I don't worship physical things. I wish I could say I only worship God. Unfortunately, I (and God much better) know my own heart. My idols are not that large and outspoken. Mine are much smaller and harder to find. They don't like to stand out because when they do I take notice of them. I confess their presence in my life, and I allow God's Spirit to remove them. God used the presence of an idol to reveal the presence of my own idols. I can deny their residence in my heart, but it doesn't get rid of them. Only God's Spirit can do that. And I pray He is doing every single day.

let the children come

I had no control over my camera on Sunday. I gave it to my friend Daya who took shots at will. It wasn't until we were on our way home that I was able to peek at his work. I was hoping he captured a wonderful blessing I received at the conclusion of the service.

After the benediction everyone began greeting those around them and mingling as most do on any given Sunday morning. They sat me on the stage for the whole thing (not where I would have chosen, but it's alright). As I stepped down a handful of people began swarming around me. Naturally I thought it was because of my skin color and being a guest for the morning. When I saw it was a handful of young girls (upper elementary to middle school aged) I figured they wanted to shake my hand, giggle, and go on their way. The camps I attended taught me this is how they warm up to me, at least that's what I tell myself. Well I could not have been proven more wrong.

If you look at the above picture, just think of all the young girls you can see plus two more coming to see me. After shaking my hand (I was right to a degree) each girl asked me to pray for them. With two experiences under my belt I grew accustomed to people coming to be prayed for after the service. This was the first time children were the ones coming forward. Right now exams are running the lives of most students (elementary up through post-graduate). The girls wanted me to pray for the exams facing them as well as God's blessing and strength in their lives. I was more than eager to do so. They knelt down before I started, so I joined them. I thanked them for letting me pray for them as a group of boys filled in the empty spaces they left behind.

I do want to say I love praying with all people, not just children. But there was something about these kids seeking out prayer which stuck with me as I traveled home. Besides my parents, I can't remember asking anyone to prayer for me growing up. Looking back, I wish I had. The children didn't get pushed by their parents or forced because of a sense of duty. They had needs which they wanted prayer for. I even noticed them bounce over to Sanjay after praying with me. We joked about how every child was prayed for at least twice between he and I. But as we joked, I thanked God for showing me how much I don't even ask others to pray for me. Sometimes it's pride while other times embarrassment for what I am asking for. The children in this church didn't care. They wanted God's help and were active about seeking it out as best they could: prayer.

third time's a charm?

I have yet to upload the pictures from yesterday to my computer. Therefore I have no objects for your viewing pleasure. Instead I will have to describe yesterday, and then post pictures at another time. I will not indulge in everything about the experience because the pictures I am thinking about displaying center around what I want to share. Now you have something to look forward to.

Yesterday was my third time sharing God's Word. The first two times went wonderfully well. I felt prepared and excited about the passages God placed upon my heart. The delivery also went off without any glitches. I felt the relay between my interpreter and myself was smooth as well as the natural flow of the message. Afterwards people expressed being encouraged by the Word that was shared. Each time I walked away feeling as though God was honored and the people edified.

I had no such confidence walking into yesterday morning. Whereas my preparation time the first two times was more than adequate, this time around seemed severely lacking. The business of the week piled up quick leaving me less time to plan. By the time I arrived home, my mind and body were too wiped to begin studying. On top of that the passage I originally had planned was leading me nowhere. When Thursday rolled around, I finally scrapped the idea for a new one. Unfortunately, Friday night was the prayer meeting leaving me only Friday (at the office) and Saturday (in the morning). By the grace of God I completed my outline by Saturday evening. I was finished, but was not feeling overly excited about the coming morning.

I slept very little Saturday night. When I am stressed/anxious/worried (which I know I am not supposed to be) my mind won't rest. My body pleads with my mind to let go, but my mind is a very stubborn fellow. This wrestling was my nightly experience my entire senior year of college as I stressed over what God wanted from me upon my leaving. So due to my inability to sleep I spent a good deal of time praying for Sunday's message and anything God brought to my mind (which ended up being a lot). Again by God's grace I was able to fall asleep to such a good extent I slept through my alarm by fifteen minutes. Thankfully I have the "Clark Kent" ability to get myself ready in roughly ten minutes.

We traversed two-plus hours to the local church where I still felt as unprepared as I did the night before. My focus waned during the worship time as I pleaded with God to somehow give me enough material to glorify Him. The sermon itself seemed choppy. My interpreter and I did not appear to be on the same page. The church itself was incredibly warm since the power had gone out leaving fans nonoperational. I actually think I caused some folks to fall asleep under the weight of my sermon and heat. Thankfully it all ended, but not before feeling like I had spoken for an eternity. I realized God spoke to my heart, at the very least, so I was able to worship Him through the rest of the service.

Afterwards I felt discouraged about how I thought the message went. Once again, by God's grace, He showed me something far different. A handful of people approached saying how encouraged and/or blessed they were through my message. Apparently God wanted to use yesterday to teach me an extremely valuable lesson. I am not the one who makes His Word accomplish what it wills. That job belongs to the Holy Spirit alone. Where I thought God's Word was "aided" by me during the last two sermons, God wanted me to see it was His Spirit the entire time. I was just the instrument through which He spoke. It's easy to go into a message relying on God's Spirit, but then myself when it seems to go well. God wanted me to learn relying on His Spirit happens both before, during, and after. It's not a switch I can turn on or off.

such great faithfulness

Last night the LCMI (or JP, for Jeevan Parivarthan, which means "life change" on Indian soil) held an evening of prayer at the church of two of the staff members. The board in Pennsylvania is holding a "day of prayer" for the ministry today (Saturday), and we wanted to join with them for a period of time. Unfortunately Indian Saturdays are extremely busy as people never seem to be around. Seeing as the even was more last minute, we didn't have enough time to make the necessary contacts for people to either show or sign up for a certain time slot. Therefore setting aside a two hour block of time was the best solution. Praise the Lord for the many praying for LCMI today whether as a group or individually at various points throughout the day!

The meeting's turnout was encouraging. Half were either staff, counselors, or pastors who have worked with the ministry in some facet. The other half, thank the Lord, were pastors or other folks interested in learning more about LCMI for the sake of partnering with. Together we prayed for God's hand of blessing to continually be at work in the life of this particular ministry. The staff put together a prayer sheet with various requests about all the needs of the ministry, its staff, and all the people who have been touched by it (campers, parents, and counselors alike). It was a wonderful time of demonstrating our dependence on God to move this ministry where He wants in order for the name of Jesus Christ to be spread and exalted.

Before the time of prayer began, we wanted to acknowledge and praise God for His work thus far (both 2010 and the early parts of 2011). The prayer sheet, a slide show, and songs were shared to highlight just how much God has done. People are learning about salvation through Christ and responding. Physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of children are being met continually. More and more opportunities to minister are presenting themselves.

Prior to the entire event, David uncle (the orchestrator of the evening) asked if I would share a "special song" in the beginning. Now I do tinker around with the guitar, but I stay within my realm of comfort. I rarely learn new chords unless they are unbelievably easy. I use the capo way too much (or at least Jordan says I do) because it makes the songs easier. I also have a strict "I don't play for anyone" policy. It started in college to prevent me from being one of "those" guys who uses the guitar as a means to entice the ladies. Today it's because I am not that good and like to play and sing in private. Originally I planned on declining to the notion of a song. It went against my policy. But during the Special Needs camp, the counselor who usually plays heard me playing and asked me to take over for him because he was tired. Shamefully, I refused, but God convicted me later on to accept any such offers that would come up in the future. And of course God called me to hold up my end of the bargain.

I brought along four songs, but wasn't sure which I would use. I wanted it to be less of a performance because I wanted the attendees to be able to use it as a time of worship through song. Well the guitar was electric (I play acoustic), and there was no capo in sight. Therefore I had to go with the only song I had which did not require one. I kept it very simple, not getting to artistic or crazy. The song is supposed to be slower, which aided my ability to play it at a mediocre level. But as I played, I found myself basking in the truths of the song. I sang it as a song of thanksgiving for what God has been doing in my life just over the past few months. At the very least, I walked away renewed and grateful for the faithfulness of my loving God.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee:

Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not,

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Summer and winter and spring time and harvest

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow

Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy Faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

so many choices

Coming here, I hoped to leave with a clear, ironed-out plan. I wanted God to ignite my passions for one particular avenue. I prayed He would give me a lifelong blueprint for my life of ministry. Well, I got the opposite. Surprisingly I am perfectly fine with that (and I pray I will maintain such an attitude).

God definitely has used my time here to ignite my passions. Only I didn't know how many things He would make me passionate about. First and foremost being His grace. I've written about grace many times, and I thought I understood it well. While I recognize there are still significant aspects of it which I will never comprehend, studying Romans (chapter 6 especially) for my sermon allowed God's Spirit to show me how much I missed the point. But not only did He show me, He graciously impressed a further understanding upon my heart. The hymn really isn't lying.

My heart was not ignited in every area as much as fanned. I love kids. While the office time has been enjoyable, the most joy came while ministering to the children. I started to relearn this at the beginning of the year when I found myself still in the classroom. While teaching academics was not a passion, interacting and building relationships with kids was. Here I got to experience it to a greater degree. I am looking forward to seeing how God will use my passion for kids as I return home.

Teaching the missions and Bible classes fanned my love of teaching. As I prepared for the lessons, I thanked God for the education I received. I had people say my progressions were natural as I moved through the lesson. I felt the children were able to understand and engage. God showed me my travels to get to this point were no accident. My high school years saw me flirt with teaching, college had me learn it, graduation saw me practice it, and now God is showing how to use it to tell people about Him.

Similar, and yet different, preaching intrigues me as well. I love the preparation that goes into it. I find God preaches to me first before I can even begin to think about preaching to anyone else. He used to time to expose my flaws, break me down, and then build me up. As a result, the preaching has a more personal flavor to it. Now I understand every sermon will not go this way solely because my heart will remain hard at various times. But the chance to pour out what God has poured into me is something I am interested in delving further into.

One thing I also learned last year, which I forgot until now was my passion for hurting children. I love all kids. They can be sick, healthy, poor, rich, or anything else. I still find them entertaining to be around and a joy to engage with. My one struggle last year revolved around being powerless within the classroom to help students in agony, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. I didn't get the chance to dive right into meeting such needs here, but simply playing and talking with kids to see them smile made me want to do more. I saw myself get angry at people taking advantage of, neglecting, and abusing them. I shed tears over them because of the pain facing them and the joy they found in Christ.

These are not the only things which God showed to stir my heart. There are others. I know God will continue to change my heart to ignite over other things as well. It's part of our becoming more like Christ. Christ wasn't passionate about one thing. (Well technically He was: the Father's will and glory. But it manifested itself in a multitude of ways like healing, teaching, rebuking, serving, etc.). God may use one of these, all of these, or none of these for the ministry He wants me to serve Him in. I will say it has been a joy to watch God shows me the depths (both good and bad) of my heart over the past two-plus months. I still have just under two weeks left, and God is probably not done with this aspect of my heart just yet. To be honest, I'm a bit excited to see just what He has in store.

sins of the fathers

I am not a husband. I am not a father. I have zero experience when it comes to loving a wife, lovingly raising children, and leading a home. I have strong desires to one day get such a chance should God desire it for me. But I am going to share some thoughts about that which I know nothing about based on experience. However, God's Word trumps experience. In it He tells all men how they are to conduct themselves as husbands and fathers. Therefore while I lack the experience, I am not lacking in the truths God has revealed about the two most important roles any man can have.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
~Ephesians 5:25, 33

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

~Ephesians 6:4

"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

~1 Timothy 5:8

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord"

~Psalm 127:3

"Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful.:

~Song of Solomon 1:15

These are merely a few of the many verses pertaining to husbands and fathers. The last is a reminder of how husbands talk to their wives and pour out their love for them in speech as well as deed. There are other encouragements for husbands in Solomon's book as well, but since this is a family blog I'll leave it to the readers to study those on their own.

My reasoning behind posting the above verses about husbands and fathers has a bit to do with my own desires, but more with some struggles for me as of late. The special needs camp was emotionally rough for me. One father (another showed up later) attended the camp as most are absent in general from the lives of their wives and children. It's very difficult to watch these individuals struggle daily without any support (financial, emotional, physical, spiritual) from those expected to lead their homes.

To top it all off, one of the counselors from the camp entered the hospital last night low on blood. She suffers from anemia, but is severely malnourished as well. Apparently, her father takes just about all of his paycheck to the local bar where he drinks it all away. The mother is left to work a physically strenuous job (which she can't everyday) just to put food on the table. Given her lack of funds, the family (two siblings in addition to the counselor) only eats rice with some chili powder in it. Vegetables, fruits, protein, fat, and other essential nutrients not served at the expense of the father's drinking habits.

While visiting her at the hospital my mind considered the above verses and the numerous men I encountered (through their wives and children) over the past week failing miserably. But the hardest part is how these men aren't even trying to succeed. This is where God's Spirit is teaching me to keep my emotions in check. Feeling angry over the immense pain caused by these men is not wrong (Ephesians 4:26). We just need to be careful that our anger doesn't lead us to sin. My flesh wants the anger to lead towards judgment and slander instead of prayer for these men and their families. My anger should also lead me to praying for all husbands and fathers, both those I know and don't. As Mark Driscoll likes to say, "marriage is for men, not little boys." Unfortunately, many are living as little boys with no clue to the immense responsibility they have to lead their families. Paul's warning in the verse from 1 Timothy is no a laughing matter. My anger must also lead me to evaluate my own life. While I am not a father, I can be instilling healthy practices and habits for when that day comes. Because I do not want to be anything but the man God's Word calls all men to be in relation to Him and the families He blesses them with.