third time's a charm?

I have yet to upload the pictures from yesterday to my computer. Therefore I have no objects for your viewing pleasure. Instead I will have to describe yesterday, and then post pictures at another time. I will not indulge in everything about the experience because the pictures I am thinking about displaying center around what I want to share. Now you have something to look forward to.

Yesterday was my third time sharing God's Word. The first two times went wonderfully well. I felt prepared and excited about the passages God placed upon my heart. The delivery also went off without any glitches. I felt the relay between my interpreter and myself was smooth as well as the natural flow of the message. Afterwards people expressed being encouraged by the Word that was shared. Each time I walked away feeling as though God was honored and the people edified.

I had no such confidence walking into yesterday morning. Whereas my preparation time the first two times was more than adequate, this time around seemed severely lacking. The business of the week piled up quick leaving me less time to plan. By the time I arrived home, my mind and body were too wiped to begin studying. On top of that the passage I originally had planned was leading me nowhere. When Thursday rolled around, I finally scrapped the idea for a new one. Unfortunately, Friday night was the prayer meeting leaving me only Friday (at the office) and Saturday (in the morning). By the grace of God I completed my outline by Saturday evening. I was finished, but was not feeling overly excited about the coming morning.

I slept very little Saturday night. When I am stressed/anxious/worried (which I know I am not supposed to be) my mind won't rest. My body pleads with my mind to let go, but my mind is a very stubborn fellow. This wrestling was my nightly experience my entire senior year of college as I stressed over what God wanted from me upon my leaving. So due to my inability to sleep I spent a good deal of time praying for Sunday's message and anything God brought to my mind (which ended up being a lot). Again by God's grace I was able to fall asleep to such a good extent I slept through my alarm by fifteen minutes. Thankfully I have the "Clark Kent" ability to get myself ready in roughly ten minutes.

We traversed two-plus hours to the local church where I still felt as unprepared as I did the night before. My focus waned during the worship time as I pleaded with God to somehow give me enough material to glorify Him. The sermon itself seemed choppy. My interpreter and I did not appear to be on the same page. The church itself was incredibly warm since the power had gone out leaving fans nonoperational. I actually think I caused some folks to fall asleep under the weight of my sermon and heat. Thankfully it all ended, but not before feeling like I had spoken for an eternity. I realized God spoke to my heart, at the very least, so I was able to worship Him through the rest of the service.

Afterwards I felt discouraged about how I thought the message went. Once again, by God's grace, He showed me something far different. A handful of people approached saying how encouraged and/or blessed they were through my message. Apparently God wanted to use yesterday to teach me an extremely valuable lesson. I am not the one who makes His Word accomplish what it wills. That job belongs to the Holy Spirit alone. Where I thought God's Word was "aided" by me during the last two sermons, God wanted me to see it was His Spirit the entire time. I was just the instrument through which He spoke. It's easy to go into a message relying on God's Spirit, but then myself when it seems to go well. God wanted me to learn relying on His Spirit happens both before, during, and after. It's not a switch I can turn on or off.