oh the places we will go

Since July 27th, Andrew Peterson's Counting Stars has been blaring through my speakers. The first song, Many Roads, in particular really struck a chord with me. It describes a lot of the spiritual roller coaster that has been the past 3-4 weeks. I have walked many roads in my twenty four years on this earth, but the number seems to have multiplied recently. If my life were a map, I think it would look like a corn maze moving every which direction. At first I grew discouraged about this. Part of me felts as though I spent a lot of wasted time doing various things. Nothing really stuck for me, especially since graduating college. Through the work of the Spirit, I have been challenged to look differently at all the places/experiences God has led me to over the years. The first verse and chorus of this song describe my prayer for a new outlook.

You can see the roads that we all traveled just to get here

A million miniscule decisions in a line

Why they brought us to this moment isn’t clear

But that’s all right, we’ve got all night

Could it be that the many roads

I took to get here

Were just for you to tell that story

And for me to hear that song

And my many hopes

And my many fears

Were meant to bring me here all along

We were meant to be right here all along

I've got "all night" to figure out why God has moved the way He did to get me to this point. I could have skipped Messiah college, substituting, full-time teaching, and many other things while still standing at the place I am today. God chose to use those things for reasons I understand and some I do not. One day I might know, but I may never know this side of eternity. I simply trust and have faith that He designed for me to follow each and every step to get where I currently stand. He's been using my hopes and fears to drive me along. My story is daily being written, and the Author of Life is the writer.

Much to my chagrin, I spent the past two days preparing for the beginning of school. For now it looks like I will be spending at least the first week in the classroom. While it's not my desire, I know God has me there for a reason. I don't know what that is, but I do know He is faithful. If He wants me serving in missions this year, He will get me there in His time.

Anyways, I actually learned (more like relearned) something over the past couple of days. I like being around people. One blessing coming from going back to work has been my interactions with my fellow teachers. Surprisingly they have been extremely supportive and, some, jealous (or so they say) of my decision. I received a number of "congratulations" while sadness for my leaving. Apparently, they enjoyed having me around as much as I enjoyed working with them. Last year, they did an excellent job of helping out a struggling first-year teacher with advice, much-needed laughs, encouragement, and, sometimes, criticism. They were also not afraid to be open with me about their lives. Some even went as far as to share struggles in their families' and personal lives. Looking back on it now, it was one way in which God enabled me to speak the gospel in everyday situations. Sometimes it takes leaving to open our eyes to see things such as these.

On a less spiritual level, the people I worked alongside last year were simply fun to be around. Faculty meetings, private conversations, and other rendezvouses usually ended with some good-natured ribbing or joke. I think this will be one of the aspects of teaching I will miss the most. Early on, I was not a big fan of being around people too much. I would fulfill what I thought was polite when it came to being social. Over the past few years, my attitude has undergone a significant change. I look forward to engaging with people on all levels. A number of teachers asked me to keep them informed with my plans as well as update them on how the mission field is treating me. If anything, it's another avenue for me to share the good news of Jesus Christ. Praise God!

As I gaze upon my unclear avenue of ministry, I am able to see how my desire for fellowship will be beneficial to wherever God places me. I thank Him for the people He has already allowed me to cross paths with and look forward to the many more to come.

At the foot of the cross

At the cross I bow my knee

Where your blood was shed for me

There’s no greater love than this

You have opened up the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

Nothing separates me now

These words by the Hillsong always lead me back to a state of humility. At the foot of the cross there is no room for pride or self-righteous arrogance. There is only awe. Why would the only true, sovereign God sacrifice Himself for me, a rebellious creature? For the first time in my life, I got to actually receive a glimpse of what it is like to be physically at the foot of the cross.

Sure this was merely a relic and not the actual cross of Christ. Of course, Christ is not on the cross now. And yes, it was in a church maybe for the purpose of showing off to other churches. Whatever the reason, there is no denying the sanctity and reality of that scene. At one point in time, our God was nailed to a cross for thousands to mock and jeer. He suffered the wrath of the Father physically and spiritually for the sake of the lost.

As I gazed upwards, barely seeing the head over the feet nailed together, I felt an overwhelming sense of grief, amazement, and gratitude rush over me all at the same time. My sin put Christ on the cross. Regardless, He hung there for me. Now, I have shalom with the Father and an eternal hope.

In that moment I prayed a silent prayer of confession for my lack of truly embracing and being overcome by the truth of the gospel. Then, I joyfully thanked God for His grace which saved me once and for all, and continues to save me each and every day.

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of Glory died

My richest gain, I count but loss

And pour contempt on all my pride

willing submission

Since I have shared with nearly everyone I have come in contact with over the last week, I might as well make it "official" with a post. As of Monday, I left my position as a fourth grade teacher in order to pursue God's calling on my life in the area of ministry. What area might that be? Right now I am not sure. My goal in "taking the year off" was to plug myself into different avenues of ministry in order to get a feel of where God wants to use my gifts and passions to further the work of the gospel.

My first planned avenue was (and still is) missions. I believe God desires for me to give Him a significant amount of my time and energy serving Him somewhere. Since returning from Italy, I have been in contact with various missionaries and organizations. A couple of options have risen which we draw me out of the states for anywhere between 3 and 6 months. It's definitely a test of my comfort levels, but I am excited at what God will do in and through me.

The plan to forgo teaching is extremely recent as my original intent was to teach one more year, and then enter seminary next fall. Seminary is still on the table, but I finally warmed up to the idea of teaching being absent during my time in Italy. In fact, upon my return home I was not only ready to leave teaching behind, I was in full agreement. God changed my heart from reluctance to willing submission. I was ready (and still am) to dive out of the boat.

Unfortunately, my teaching contract is going to drag this process out longer than I expected. I understood the lateness of my request (two weeks before school), but I know God is more than capable of establishing His will. I went in today in order to prepare the classroom while they searched for my replacement. Now, it seems as though I will start off the year in the classroom as a "lame-duck" (my words not theirs) teacher until they find my official replacement. It's a significant downer for me given the change I underwent over the past three weeks. My heart's desire now is to be serving in one of the opportunities laid before me, not teaching. Thankfully, God works miracles, and He has options. He is more than capable of bringing in my replacement between now and the first day of school (roughly 1 week). He is also more than capable of changing my heart for however long He would have me in the classroom. He can also have me in the classroom for a time, while still being able to begin raising support and finalizing my destination. He could also go somewhere completely different. Either way I pray I can echo Paul's sentiments in 1 Corinthians 16:5-9 (emphasis mine):

I will visit you after passing through Macedonia, for I intend to pass through Macedonia, and perhaps I will stay with you or even spend the winter, so that you may help me on my journey, wherever I go. For I do not want to see you now just in passing. I hope to spend some time with you, if the Lord permits. But I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.

I don't know what's in store, but I pray the Lord is permitting everything He has ordained for me, and that my eyes sees the wide door in front of me. Wherever that door may lead.

Comfort from Rebuke

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements-surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, and said 'Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed'?

Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place..?

Where is the way to the dwelling of light, and where is the place of darkness, that you may take it to its territory and that you may discern the paths to its home?

~Job 38:4-12, 19-21

I don't know about you, but I can't answer "yes" to any of those questions God placed before Job. And that is something I take great comfort in.

A break from the heaviness

My most recent posts carried a lot of weight to them. Apparently the weight was more than just metaphorical. I was told the depth of my breathing last night was very heavy. By the grace of God, I awoke feeling lighter than usual. I guess I did most of my weight lifting in my sleep. Anyways, Italy was filled with many serious and weighty moments. However, it was also filled with many lighter and more enjoyable ones. Take for instance our first night in Rome. We were tired from riding in the car and walking the city, so Jordan and I decided to spend the rest of the night relaxing in the hotel. We bought some Cokes (in glass bottles no less) to further the relaxing mood. As most people do, we turned on the television hoping for something familiar we could unwind to. And what did we find?

If you think you are seeing Jack Shephard on the screen you would be correct? We found the series finale of LOST (my favorite show ever) in Italian. The voices were no where near the same, but the story did not change. As we watched, we translated parts based solely on our memory of watching the series finale with a group of friends. Despite not being unable to understand most of it, we thoroughly enjoyed the viewing. It reminded me how much I enjoyed watching the show amongst the company of friends every week for the last 6 years.

Waiting

My time in Italy allowed for multiple opportunities to make significant progress with my book pile. One book provided an in-depth look at the story of Jonah to expose the relentless pursuit of God for His rebellious children as well as the hearts of those rebellious children.

One chapter looked at Jonah’s anger at the repentance of the people of Nineveh. Towards the end of the chapter, the scope changed to look at how God works despite the motives and efforts of His people. The Bible reminds us over and over again of how God judges the heart while we focus on what’s outside. To be fully obedient to God our hearts need to be behind our actions. We can be physically obedient while having our hearts nowhere near God’s target. However, God’s power is still able to accomplish His purpose regardless. In Jonah’s case, God brought about repentance for an entire city even with Jonah’s reluctant and half-hearted efforts.

This spoke as a challenge to me because I am always aware of the motives behind my actions. I do not want to do anything for motives other than serving God and bringing Him glory (obviously easier said than done). However, sometimes I can be overly analytical about my own motives. I let them cripple me and my ability to move forward. Surprisingly this chapter had something to say about that too. It gave me a clear-cut response I had a hard time swallowing.

“If you’re waiting to make a decision or to step forward in obedience to God’s guidance because you want to make sure your motives are perfectly pure-you’ll be waiting until you die.”

The digesting began during the trip, and now the nutrients need to rush through my bones.

Italian Lessons

I am a big fan of reflection. After I experience something significant I always like to look back on what I may have learned from it. I did it with college, Zambia in ’07, my first year of teaching, and many other times before. While a mere two weeks is nothing compared to my other reflections, the propensity for lessons remains the same. Italy has taught me things about myself (serious and more light-hearted), this world, and our God.

1. No matter how hard I try, flying will never be for me. The seats are too crammed together for me to get comfortable. I can’t sleep more than 15 minutes at a time, and that just won’t cut it.

2. We (humans) spend a lot of money on ourselves. In no way am I using this to express guilt for my trip. I thoroughly enjoyed the people I was with as well as the places I was blessed to visit. However, keeping track of my expenses demonstrated how willing I am to spoil myself. In addition, I observed the many bags and goodies being bought by all sorts of people regardless of the cost. My lesson is really a challenge: how willing am I to spend (money, time, effort, energy, etc.) on the work of the gospel and loving others? (Matthew 16:25; 19:20; 25:35-36; Luke 9:23; 12:34)

3. Reverence is underrated. I perused nearly a dozen churches over the course of my two weeks. While I don’t necessarily agree with everything that goes on in them, I appreciated the spirit of reverence in them. God is bigger, holier, more glorious, more powerful, and grander than anything we can fathom! These immaculate buildings do an excellent job of reminding me just exactly who it is that I worship. Before I enter into His presence, I should be overwhelmed with a sense of awe and silence before opening my mouth, even if it’s to express my adoration Isaiah 8:13; Habakkuk 2:20; Zephaniah 1:7; Revelation 1:17).

4. I won’t be signing up for any road trips anytime soon. Going in, I knew how much I dislike driving. It’s boring and makes me feel antsy. Thankfully, Jack and Jordan took care of all the driving for our trip. I got to enjoy the backseat (by choice) and the front (by force) for the entire trip. I did enjoy the sights of the countryside as well as the naps and reading time. However, I could have done without the falling asleep of my legs and buttocks (sometimes at the same time). It’s like flying. I am forced to sit still for a length of time my body does not enjoy.

5. History is fun to read, but even better to visit. I actually began college as a secondary education major focusing on history. I quickly learned how much I would rather learn history on my own than try to teach it. Traveling through Italy was like sipping from an ice-cold fountain on a hot and humid summer day. Trekking the same streets and paths as my ancestors was a treat. Seeing building built thousands of years ago still standing was captivating. The best part was simply walking through the same places I had studied about from my years in school and seeing history really come alive!

6. I like to eat. Okay, this one isn’t as much of a lesson as it is an obvious statement. If it would have been safer to stay in the car or on the streets, I would have saved the money used for hotel rooms and spent it on more food. Italy has a lot of good food to be eaten. What we naturally think of as Italian is only the tip of the iceberg. I can honestly say I did not experience one meal I didn’t like. My pallet came anticipating an overflow of wonderful flavors from sweet to spicy, hot to cold. It left more than satisfied.

*Having said that, I must note that while the food was delicious my mother has done an excellent job of maintaining the Italian touch passed down to her from her mother and grandmother. Mom, your sauce is still my number one choice!

7. Vacations are not meant to be vacations from our God. I went into this trip thinking it would be a nice time to relax and prepare for the upcoming school year. I brought my Bible, books, and journal along to keep track of my readings, but did not expect too much refining and revealing (pretty arrogant and silly of me, right?). Well, God wanted this trip to do more for me than simply satisfy my appetite and allow me to catch up on my rest. He wanted to continue pursuing me (Psalm 139:7-12). Without exposing too much, God turned everything upside-down (literally). I will expound on the turning in a later post, but I am leaving with new path to follow. It isn’t anywhere I expected or asked for. It’s simply (though not simple) where I believe He wants me.

8. I like to travel and see all that God has created, whether directly or indirectly through the abilities of man. This world has a lot of things to stand in wonder of. All of them point to our God. The mountains, valleys, oceans, trees, stars, and every other aspect of nature “declare the glory of the Lord” (Psalm 19). The immaculate buildings and ancient artifacts scream out the goodness of God through His gifts to man (James 1:17). His image within us allows us to create all the “unnatural” things around us. We will never exhaust His glorious displays as long as we live.

Internet (though briefly)

My Genealogical Hometown

I visited the Sicilian city of Palermo for the better part of Saturday morning. We arrived via a Ferry from Naples to spend a few days in Sicily. Sicily was a large bull’s-eye on my list of places because it is the birthplace of my great grandmother, Josephine (Guiseppa) Ciaramitaro.

She was spent the first four years of her life here before finding her way to New York with her family. She lived to a ripe-old (literally) age of 105 before she got to “meet her Jesus.” Our family used to make trips to visit her whenever we could. We would go and listen to her many stories about life. She was also known for making hilarious comments and side notes to her great grandchildren (my brother especially) and nurses.

I still remember the day we found out of her passing quite well. My mom was talking on the phone when another call interrupted her conversation. She went upstairs for a certain period of time, and then came down to inform the rest of our family of great grandma’s passing. As soon as the words left my mom’s mouth, I remember her bursting into tears. Despite the hope of seeing her again, my mother was grieved by the loss of the wonderful memories and love she shared with her grandmother. To this day, I miss the days of paying her visits, but my brief time in her hometown brought back those wonderful days.

Unfortunately, my attempts to retrieve her birth certificate failed when I was forbidden access to the Palermo municipal building. However, I decided to do some people watching with my spare time. Quickly I felt like I was back at with my mother’s family once again. Familiar facial expressions, physical features, greetings, and mannerisms flooding the streets I was perusing. Obviously I had no idea what was being said, but I could not help but smile.

Along the way, I took some photos to try and capture what life might have been like for my great grandmother. Some were captured in her hometown, while others in Monreale. Monreale was the location of the archdiocese where her family would have traveled to at least for the major holidays, if not more.

Here is a cup of cappuccino from a café in her hometown. It was quite tasty.

A fruit stand on the way home from church.

I doubt I even saw anything my great grandmother knew, but I don’t really care. The simple fact of trekking through the place of her earliest years was enough excitement to last me a lifetime.

Day 4

Amalfi

Today was more of a travel day. We spent roughly 5 hours driving south to the Naples region. We plan on visiting Pompei all of Friday before ferrying down to Sicily for the weekend. Since we only had roughly an afternoon to do anything, we drove along the western coast of Italy towards the town of Amalfi. It is rather touristy and quite the vacation hot spot. Along the coast were large cruise ships and fancy yachts. Hotels came with beach-front property to offer their patrons. We did not go to any of the beaches. We simply rode along the coastline soaking in the view.

In Amalfi, we went a small restaurant away from all the hustle and bustle of the marinas. The food was excellent as well as the nice family running the cozy spot off a side street. The food was delicious, and it included many water traveling specimen giving the location of Amalfi.

First course (left to right): Jordan-marinated seafood, Derek-mussel soup, Jack-grilled vegetables


Main course: Jordan-grilled fish

Derek: Homemade pasta with mussels and clams


Dessert: Canoli (after I spotted them in a window on the walk up to our dinner spot)

Day 3

Today's mission: Wine tasting and Siena

To accomplish this task, we first went to the Chianti region of Tuscanny known for it's Chianti wine. While in the region, I took a stop by a butcher shop. In the basement of the shop a large collection of cheese was being stored. The place was cool and moist, which must be a good thing for the cheese. The one thing I do know was that it was one of the most delicious smelling basements I have ever been in.

From the glorious cheese room, we made our way to the winery. This particular place was pretty awesome. You paid a certain amount (Euros) to a credit-card-type device. Throughout the entire establishment there were bottles of wine to be tasted. To do so simply slide the card in the slot and select the wine of choice. The cost (ranging from 0.50-5 Euro) would be withdrawn from the card and out of a nozzle the wine would flow. I likened it to a soda fountain at any fast food restaurant. Because of the system, I got to try wines I would never dream of tasting anywhere else because of the outlandish price for the entire bottle. Here is a glimpse of the device.

After a few tastes, we grabbed a couple of snacks made available at the winery. They were nothing more than cheese, bread, and select meats, but they were tasty.

After tasting the fruit of the earth, we made the short (but very windy) trek to Siena. It is a similar city to Florence in regards to its style and architecture. The buildings look close to one another, but the streets are much tighter in Siena. Plus, the scene is much less busy with fewer people. The streets are less linear and more maze-like. There must have been at least three side streets jetting out from each other. Before leaving we went to a pizzeria for a quick bite to eat. While this pizza may look like the one I had in Pisa, it is drastically different. First, this pizza had fresh sausage on it. It was different than the sausage in the states. I can't really put my finger on it, but I liked the subtle difference. The other change is the cheese itself. If you guessed mozzarella, you would be correct. However, the truly correct answer would be mozzarella a la buffalo. Funny thing is how my brother and I were just talking about how the best mozzarella cheese is said to come from buffalo milk, not cow. After tasting this delicious pizza, I would concur. Again, I don't know exactly what the difference is, but it was something fantastic. Hopefully your mouth waters as you gaze upon this beauty.

*I hope this post pleases those of you requesting more food pictures. It's really hard to restrain myself enough to take a picture given my nature around food. It is no malice of my own as much as my lack of self control. Also, the three statues were of Leonardo (da Vinci), Michaelangelo, and Donatelli. The names couldn't be seen in the pictures, but I was hoping someone could identify the missing fourth. (A little bit of audience participation)

Beautiful

This really has nothing to do with my trip here in Italy, but it has everything to do with life. I read it this morning. I was captivated once again with the truth and beauty of the gospel. It is a welcomed reminder of who it is that we worship. It also encourages us to keep moving forward with full assurance that our Father will be right there with us every step of the way.

And as for your birth, on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. No eye pitied you, to do any of these things to you out of compassion for you, but you were cast out on the open field, for you were abhorred, on the day that you were born.

And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' I made you flourish like a plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment...

When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine. Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil.

I clothed you also with embroidered cloth...I wrapped you in fine linen...And I adorned you with ornaments...for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God.

~Ezekiel 16:1-14

Day 2

Today's place of interest was Florence. Going in I knew very little about the city. Sadly enough the only thing I could remember was that is was Sandra Bullock's character's dream to travel there in the film While You Were Sleeping (I do like that movie). Now having been here, I can see why she was so fond of it. It is very beautiful with its classic architecture and Renaissance style. The outside of this famous cathedral is carved with church and Italian history all over. The inside is massive with a beautiful dome (ala the Sistine Chapel) depicting different biblical images.

What I also found out is the the famous statue of naked David made by Michaelangelo also resides in the city. Jordan and I attempted to enter the museum where the sculpture is housed, but the line would have had us waiting all day instead of enjoying the sights. While seeing the piece would have been awesome, the view from the river was a good replacement.

The city is filled with plenty of other statues worth noting. This group of gentlemen stood outside the famous Uffizzi museum (also too long a line to wait through) along with some other famous Italians. I chose these three for a particular purpose. Unfortunately, the group is incomplete. The fourth member is missing, and I was unable to locate his whereabouts.

Day 1

After roughly 8+ hours of travel time, I rendezvoused with Jack and Jordan around 9AM Italian time. Given my inability to sleep on plane rides (I may have gotten a total of 1&1/2 hours), I spent most the car ride to Pisa napping. With those naps (yup I took more than one), I was ready for day touring the city of Pisa. Though I feel like my body may be leaning more than usual as a result.

First we started by touring the grounds. They included the Tower, church, and a few museums. We didn't go into any because we were more than satisfied walking around.

Next, Jordan and I grabbed a quick bite to eat. We split a pizza between the two of us (though I ate most of it) along with a nice house red. I am pleased to say the eating endeavors are off to a good start thus far.

With our bellies full, we utilized our tickets which enabled us to climb to the top of the Tower. It was an awkward climb going back and forth in my balance, but the view was fantastic. Here is a picture of the church from atop the Tower. I always remembered being told churches were in the shape of a cross, but now I got to see it for myself from above.

The rest of our evening is still unplanned except we do need to eat at some point. Tomorrow has us traveling to Florance for another day of seeing the wonderful sights.